I'm Not Him
by Nanariin
Summary: I love you Hikaru, and if this is what I have to do to keep you with me, I'm willing to pay the price... Warning this is Yaoi! Oh, and it contains rape.
1. Forced Role

**Hey everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! Lets see… I got the idea for this story a few days ago, and it wouldn't stop bugging me until I wrote it out. I don't know if I'll continue it or not it, it depends on the feedback I get. Anyway, I hope you like it!**

**I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, just in case you couldn't figure that out.**

**I'm Not Him Chapter 1: Forced Role**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

I sat on my bed, pencil in hand, working on some impossible trigonometry question. Math has never been my strong point, and whenever I partake in solving said math problems it only serves to give me a head splitting migraine.

"Hiikkaruuu…" I whine out to my identical twin brother. "I don't understand this, it's hard." I poke out my bottom lip, putting on my best pouty face.

The red-headed teen who resembles me strongly looked up from his new dual-screen, 3-dimensional, hand held, video game system and made his way towards our shared bed from the bean bag chair he had resided on before hand.

"Your right Kao, it is hard." Hikaru shot me a mischievous smirk before sliding his hand down the front of my black school slacks, and wrapping his cool fingers around my pulsing erection.

I hadn't had time to take care of myself since we got home from the Host Club because I had a crap-load of homework to complete, I didn't have time for this!

"Hika… stop it!… you know that's… that's not what I meant!" It was hard to talk, heck it was hard to think with Hikaru's skilled, slender fingers teasing and stroking my hardened member. I grabbed Hikaru's wrist and lifted him out of my pants.

Hikaru grunted in frustration. "Aww… Kaoru, your no fun!" Hikaru collapsed on the bed beside me and brought out his own trig homework from his brown school bag. "Yeah, I can't help here Kaoru, I don't understand this math stuff much either." Hikaru fixed his eyes on the carpet and shrugged self-consciously. "We could get help from one of our friends though." Hikaru brought out his cell phone and carelessly tossed it to me.

I mentally went over each one of my friends responses if I were to ask them for help:

Haruhi- 'Kaoru, I already have to deal with all you damn rich people at school, so don't go calling me on my free time!'

*Wrong answer buzzer sound* ERRRR!

Tamaki- 'Oh yes my son, my Kaoru, come sit on Daddies lap, he will help, you with those evil math problems!'

*Wrong answer buzzer sound* ERRRR!

Kyouya- 'Kaoru, I'd advise you pay more attention in your classes and you won't have this type of problem again. Goodbye.'

*Wrong answer buzzer sound* ERRRR!

Hunny- 'Guess what Kao-Chan, Usa-Chan and me just had a Strawberry shortcake, it was spongy, and yellow, with extra whipped cream, and to top it all off a huge juicy strawberry! It was uber sweet! Do you like bunnies Kao-Chan? I adore bunnies, especially my cuddly Usa-Chan! What did you want again? Oh, it doesn't matter, I'm going to take a nap now anyway. See you later Kao-Chan!'

*Wrong answer buzzer sound* ERRRR!

Mori- '…Sure'

*Correct answer sound* Ding ding we have a winner!

"Mori-Sempai!" Hikaru and I shouted in unison, great minds think alike, especially when those great minds are twin minds!

I dialed Mori's number, "Hey Mori-Sempai, do you think you could help me with some trigonometry homework? It's kind of giving Hikaru and I some problems."

"…Sure… I already took that course." Mori-Sempai's voice was deep, emotionless, and quite frankly dead. How will I ever stay awake with him showing me how to correctly complete trigonometry questions.

I told Mori-Sempai Hikaru and I would be over in a few minutes, I then got up from my bed and put on my school blazer before grabbing my school bag.

"C'mon Hika." I motioned towards the door.

"Kaoru, do you mind going alone, I'm busy." Hikaru smiled sweetly at me with watering puppy dog eyes.

"What! Why? I don't want to be with Mori-Sempai alone! He is boring Hikaaarruu… I'll fall asleep, besides all your going to do is play video games here anyway." I pleaded with Hikaru, the last thing I wanted was to be alone with quiet, dull Mori-Sempai, He would bore me to death!

Hikaru stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist before pressing himself into my backside. "I'll make it up to you when you get home." Hikaru moaned seductively and nipped the tip of my ear.

Damn it! Why is Hikaru so sexy? I just couldn't resist his offer.

"Uggh… fine Hikaru, but when I get back, that cute little mouth of yours better be ready to give me a good time." I removed myself from Kaoru's embrace and made my way out to the limo I had ready to escort me to the Morinozuka estate.

The ride to Mori-Sempai's home was agonizing, I wanted nothing more than just to jump out of the car door, and run home, back to Hikaru through the busy freeway traffic, but I maintained my sanity, and soon enough we arrived at the home of the very teen I dreaded.

I was greeted at the door by a butler who lead me to Mori-Sempai's room, when we arrived he bowed, and pushed a cart off to the dining area.

I was too pre-occupied with my thoughts to remember my manners and I walked into Mori-Sempai's room without knocking, and was extremely shocked by what I found.

Mori-Sempai had his might I say large cock out, and was jerking himself off over a school blazer that was way too small to be his.

"Mitsukuni…" Mori-Sempai moaned as he worked on his leaking erection.

Seeing that I was alone Mori smirked as he made his way towards me, he put both of his large hands on either side of my body, pinning me to the now closed door.

"Mitsukuni…" Mori moaned again and kissed my neck tenderly, as he worked his was down, licking my collarbone.

"Sempai! What the! Hey…umph!" I was cut off by a forceful kiss, Mori-Sempai probed his tongue into my unwilling mouth, he was showing me who was in charge.

"Shhh, Mitsukuni, here feel how hot I am for you." Mori's usually flat voice was passionate, and filled with lust and desire. That frightened me. He took my hand and wrapped it around his blood engorged, pulsating member. Thinking that it would keep Mori-Sempai from wanting actual sex with me I stroked him rapidly, in hopes he would cum soon, so this terrifying ordeal would end. Mori leaned into my hand and bucked his hips, but stopped himself and commanded me to unwrap my fingers from his shaft and began to undress me. I tried to stop him, but he was so much stronger than me. Soon I was left with nothing but a thin pair of boxers keeping my body hidden, protecting it.

"Mori-Sempai… please… stop, I'm not Hunny-Sempai…please, I'm not him…" I began to sob hysterically as the realization of what was about to happen slowly became clear to me, Mori-Sempai is going to rape me! "Oh no…no! Hikaru…Hikaru please help me." I whisper, tears streaming down my face.

"Mitsukuni, don't worry, on one is going to take you from me, not even Hikaru can break us apart." Mori softly kissed my forehead and despite his gentle motions, I winced in fear.

"Sempai, Onegai… If your going to do this, can you please… use…use s…something?" I asked shakily. What if I caught something from Mori-Sempai? If I could get him to use a condom at least I could know this was a clean rape… If that's even possible.

"Mitsukuni…don't worry, I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you." Mori captured my lips in a gentle kiss, a loving kiss, for a moment I felt that Sempai really did love me, but I wasn't Kaoru in Mori's arms, I was Hunny-Sempai.

Mori-Sempai lifted me up bridal style and roughly threw me onto his bed, and positioned himself overtop of me, he then pulled my boxers down my legs, leaving the soft, orange hair covering them standing on edge. I was completely exposed to him. I could feel his eyes roam my body, and it sickened me.

"Mitsukuni, your stunning." Mori ran a hand over my nipple, I bit my lip to contain a moan of pleasure that threatened to force its way past my lip.

_'Why?'_ was all I could think. _Why_ was Mori-Sempai doing this? _Why_ isn't Hikaru here to save me? Oh god… Hikaru… I am cheating on Hikaru! What would Hikaru think if he saw me like this? I desperately wanted to fight, to free myself from Mori's attentions, but no matter how hard I cried, kicked and screamed I still found my self underneath of Mori, pinned down and helpless and weak. I simply can't accept the feeling of helplessness, so I became numb. I blankly stared up at the man who was molesting me and shut down completely.

The midnight-haired teen traveled downwards and licked the underside of my shaft, running his tongue over a sensitive vein, I instantly hardened from the intimate contact, and he chuckled darkly.

"Mitsukuni… do I excite you?" He kissed the sensitive tip of my penis and I bucked my hips off the bed and into the air. "By the looks of this, I must think so." he added.

I felt so disgusting, I couldn't believe how weak I was, I should only harden for Hikaru, the one I love… Why? Why am I reacting to Mori-Sempai's touches? I don't want to do this but my flushed face, and my arousal pressed against Mori's toned stomach says otherwise.

Mori lifted me up, and turned me around so my ass faced him, my arms gave out leaving my backside hoisted in the air. Mori positioned himself behind me, and pushed forward, he was going to take me dry.

"Ow! Sempai… Stop please! I… I don't w…want this!" I begged Sempai to stop, it hurt so bad.

"Mitsukuni… your so tight." Mori ran his fingers through my auburn hair, as he thrust into me mercilessly, Making me cry out with every push forward.

I had no idea sex could hurt this much. I have only let Hikaru have me, and when he touched me it was amazing. Hikaru was gentle with me, he caressed my body with light movements, as if he were to use too much force I would shatter. Hikaru would never force me to do anything I didn't wish to do, and that's why I loved him. How I longed to be in Hikaru's arms at that moment, to hear him whisper 'I love you' into my ear as he made love to me, softly, and gently.

I was thrown back suddenly into my painful reality by the sound of Mori's sonorous voice. "Mitsukuni, say my name."

I sat silently, and defiantly avoided eye contact with my molester, I wouldn't submit to him.

Sempai didn't take very kindly to me disobeying him, so he slammed into me with all his force, hitting my pleasure spot, and he pinched my nipple punishingly. "Say it!"

"Ahhh! Taka… Takashi! Mori slammed forward and hit my sweet spot once again in the process. I climaxed shooting my seed onto my the bed spread below.

I clenched my tight ring of muscle around Mori's manhood, and he came soon after me, emptying his load into my invaded hole.

After catching his breath, he pulled out of me making me shudder, and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Kaoru, I am in love with Mitsukuni, but I won't let myself hurt him, so from now on you will be playing the role of Mitsukuni, my lover, when it comes to things of a sexual nature." I was pissed by how bluntly Mori stated this, as if I was some kind of sex slave and he was entitled to my body.

"Like hell I am! You won't get away with this! I'll tell Hikaru!" I snapped back at my Sempai who was beginning to redress himself, as if nothing had just happened.

"Go ahead, tell him, but don't leave out the part about when you hardened, and how you climaxed. You and I both know you could of fought, but your so much of a slut you let me have you." Mori grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him, his hot breath felt like searing, white wires pressed into my flesh. Mori nipped my ear, then my neck, I whimpered in response.

Mori was right, I must be a slut. If I really didn't want it my body wouldn't of reacted right? And now that I think of it I could of fought harder to free myself couldn't I? If Hikaru found out about this he would be disgusted and disown me. I couldn't lose Hikaru, in this whole world Hikaru is the only thing I truly care about, so if this is the price I must pay to be able to keep Hikaru by my side, I'll give myself to Mori-Sempai.

"I won't say anything Mori-Sempai, and I'll play the role of Hunny-Sempai, just please don't tell Hikaru about this." I whispered as stray tear rolled down my cheek as he kissed me.

"Please Mitsukuni, call me Takashi."

**Sorry about the ending, I wasn't really sure how I should end the first chapter, If you liked it please leave a comment saying so, or if you have something to say that will improve my writing. I am currently working on another Ouran fanfic titled Can Only Watch, if you liked this you should check it out!**

**Thanks for reading all the way to the end!**

**~Kousei**


	2. Hatred

**Hey everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! Due to high demand, I've decided to continue I'm Not Him! ^W^ Thank you to everyone who reviewed and/or added this story to their favorites list, or just simply read the 1st chapter all the way to the end, it means a lot! I especially want to thank a7xisbest for reviewing, no one has ever called me a good writer before and it made me feel super happy! :D**

**Anyway, I hope you like the 2nd chapter as much as you guys like the 1st enjoy!**

**I'm Not Him: Chapter 2**

**Hatred**

"Kaoru, here are some notes on the trigonometry problems you were having trouble with, go over them with Hikaru, they should help." Mori-Senpai handed me a black note book, I quickly flipped through it, glancing over the pages, and found it was filled with neatly written trig notes that he must of written down when he took the class. I was grateful for the notes, they would come in handy, but the last thing I would do right now is thank the man who just stripped away my dignity, and made me feel like I was so much less of a person, but rather more of an item. An item that was used for nothing more than a sick desire, for the pleasure of a sick man.

"I want you to come again tomorrow," Mori continued, his deep voice mumbling in my ear. "So I can make sure you are not continuing to struggle with your trigonometry class." The dark haired man kissed the nape of my neck softly, and mumbled into the sensitive skin there. "Well that and other things, oh and come alone. We wouldn't want Hikaru to become jealous of the passionate relationship we share would we?" Mori chuckled darkly, sending chills coursing down my spine.

At that moment I detested four things with a burning passion:

1.) Of course I detested Takashi Morinozuka, I mean he was the one who raped me. How could he cut away at my soul, and ignore my cries of pain and protest, and then go on as if he has done nothing wrong, and show no signs of compassion or regret?

2.) I loathed Mitsukuni Huninozuka for being so innocent, and unsullied. I mean if Hunny-Senpai didn't put on the god damned cutesy act all the time, maybe Mori wouldn't deem the blonde, Lolita-boy untouchable, and he would be able to confess his love to Hunny-Senpai. I know this is a rather irrational reason to hate someone, but I was just filled with so much resentment, and confusion for my brain to function properly, much less come up with reasonable reasons to despise someone.

3.) It tore me apart to admit it, but I simply couldn't stand Hikaru Hitachiin, my own brother. I mean don't get me wrong, Hikaru means the world to me, but he let Mori-Senpai do this to me. And if Hikaru would of just come with me to Mori's home, instead of just sitting at home playing video games, he could protected me.

4.) Out of all these things that pierced my heart, scaring it, making me incapable to ever be able to love, or fully trust someone ever again, I greatly despised myself, Kaoru Hitachiin. I hated everything and anything about myself. Mori had me convinced that I was a whore, and that I nothing short of loved the attention he paid to me that night. I hated how naïve I was to the fact that Mori-Senpai was a man, and like every man he had needs that needed to be taken care of, I just never would of imagined that Mori-Senpai would do something like this to me.

"Kaoru, you need to get dressed and leave." Mori remarked coldly as he tossed my boxers, and black bottoms towards me. I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize I still sat on Mori's bed, legs spread, giving my molester a perfect view of my abused, and violated hole. "Unless you want to go again Mitsukuni?" Mori whispered as he cupped my balls in one hand and caressed my cheek with the other.

I whimpered in fear, and pulled away from Mori-Senpai's sensual touches. I quickly dressed myself and combed my orange, disheveled hair, I can't recall a time when I acted as quickly as I did then. I Pulled my coat back on, and grabbed my school bag, and the notes Mori-Senpai had lent me before quickly shuffling out of Mori's room, down the stairs, and outside into the limo that was waiting for me.

The driver saw the tears in my eyes and looked more than a little concerned for my wellbeing. "Young master Hitachiin, is something troubling you?" The chauffeur asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Why don't you mind your damn business!" I snapped. "Your paid to escort my brother and I, not to meddle in my personal affairs!" It was really out of character for me to act so ill-mannered, and hot headed to someone who was only concerned for me, it was more of something childish, that would rather suit Hikaru's personality.

"Damn spoiled, rich, twin brats…" The driver mumbled almost inaudibly, and irritably. Nothing else was exchanged between the offended chauffer and I the rest of the way back to my estate. In the back seat I sobbed hysterically and openly, I wanted to get all the sadness out of my system, so I could hide any sign of distress from Hikaru, he couldn't know about what happened between Mori and I, I wouldn't allow it, if Hikaru were to leave me, I don't know how I would be able to go on living, I don't even think I'd be able to.

When I arrived home, I dried my eyes and blinked until the redness that stained them faded. I slowly stumbled to the room Hikaru and I shared, and opened the door. I found Hikaru sitting in the same place he was before I left, partaking in the same mind-numbing activity, playing video games.

My brothers face lit up as I entered the room. "Kao-Chan! I've missed you!" Hikaru exclaimed as he got up from the bed and made his way towards me, his golden eyes beaming as he draped his arms around my neck.

"I've only been gone for a couple of hours though…" I answered disinterestedly, I didn't hug my brother back, I didn't deserve his love after I betrayed him like I did.

Hikaru inhaled deeply, causing his nose to scrunch up, in what I assumed to be disgust. "Kao you smell funny…"

I violently jerked away from my brother, tripping over my own two feet in the process. I fell to the floor, bringing Hikaru down with me. "Oh, I must of grabbed the jacket from the dirty clothes hamper." I rubbed the back of my head, I had hit it when I fell down.

"No matter, I'll be removing that jacket of yours now anyway, I promised to show you a good time tonight didn't I?" Hikaru began to remove my jacket, but I leapt up from the floor, I was terrified that I would give Hikaru some sort of sexual contracted disease that may have been inflicted on me from having unprotected sex with Mori-Senpai.

"No don't! Stop! I don't want to!" I shrieked as images of Mori on top of me made their way into my mind, I jumped into my bed and hid under the fabric softener scented covers.

Hikaru eyes widened in confusion and fear for me. "I'm so sorry Kaoru, I was only doing what you wanted me to, you said you wanted me to make love to you when you got back from Mori-Senpai's home. Have you forgotten?" Hikaru asked in a soft voice, he was didn't want to frighten me anymore than I already was. Hikaru held me in his arms and ran his fingers through my auburn hair in an effort to comfort me.

"No! Get the Hell off me!" I screamed in terror, and threw a remorseless, and hard punch that landed Hikaru square in the jaw.

"Kaoru! What has gotten into you? What have I done to upset you? Your acting childish! I can't apologize or fix what I've done unless you tell me!" My twin screamed in frustration, holding his jaw in pain.

I couldn't take the person I care for most in this fucked up world yelling at me in the fragile state I was in. I scratched at me ears drawing blood before covering them with the palms of my hands, creating a makeshift sound barrier. "Stop screaming at me… I… I hate you! Get out!"

Hikaru grabbed my wrists. "Stop it Kaoru, your hurting yourself, you don't mean that!" Tears were streaming down Hikaru's face. "Kaoru I'm scared, your acting strange, please…please tell me what's wrong!"

"You really want to know what's wrong Hikaru? Well take a look in a mirror, because it's you! I hate being your twin! I hate you! Your so fucking inconsiderate! While you're here playing video games, I had to go out and do boring trigonometry questions with stupid Mori-Senpai!" I snapped holding back a significant part of the story, the part that would explain my explosive anger.

"What the fuck Kaoru? Is this what this is all about? I didn't know doing a favor for your brother was such a painstaking task! What the hell is your problem!"

I lowered my voice as I began to sob again. "Get…g…get out…"

"Fine if that's the way you want it!" Hikaru stormed out of the room and I heard the door to the guest bedroom down the hall slam.

As soon as my temper cooled down, admitting me to think clearly once again, I realized how much of a mistake I had just made. I haven't slept without Hikaru for as long as I can remember, and right now more than ever I needed the support of my twin, the security of knowing he is right there beside me, ready and willing to protect me. The emptiness of the room depressed me, it left me alone to deal with all the conflicting emotions inside me, and I very much wanted Hikaru there to console me, to wipe the tears from my eyes, and whisper loving little nothings into my ear, as he rubs my back in an comforting, circler motion. I want Hikaru with me, but when Hikaru is angry, he holds an inescapable grudge… what have I done? I'm so tired and I just want to sleep. I got up from my bed, and slumped into the bathroom connected to my room, I scanned the contents of my medicine cabinet until I found the pill container which contained sleeping pills from when Hikaru suffered from a mild case of insomnia. I was too tired to deal with the bothersome task of reading dosage labels, so I just simply swallowed a handful, knowing the consequences full well.

_Everything went black._

**Okay, end the dramatic scene. I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, final exams are coming up and my teachers are cracking down with tons of homework! I'll try to update sooner next time. Anyway what did you think? Sorry there is no sex… for those of you who thrive on nothing but lemons alone. XD I will make sure to include some next chapter! Please review, so I can know if I did a good job. I am also open for any suggestions you may have for later chapters in this story, so if you have a request let me know! I'll see you later!**

**~Kousei**


	3. You Lied to Me

**Hey everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! Mmkay here is the 3rd part of I'm Not Him. Thank-you so much to all my reviewers! It really makes me super happy to know someone is reading this, let alone enjoying it! :D**

**I'm Not Him**

**Chapter 3: You Lied to Me**

'Bleach, it smells like bleach and cleaning agents' I thought to myself as I began to regain consciousness. Crying, I heard crying, is that Hikaru, why is he crying? And what is this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach? It feels as if my stomach has been emptied. Not to mention that continuous beeping sound that is starting to annoy me. I feel like I'm in a bed, and sort of like I was wearing a dress of some sort.

"Kaoru, Kao… P…please Kaoru, I'm so sorry I yelled at you. Why would you hurt yourself like this? Don't… Whatever you do, don't you dare leave me alone like this! I love you Kaoru!" I felt Hikaru's warm hands grab hold of my own cold, almost lifeless hand, he squeezed tightly almost as if he were trying to pull me out of this fathomless darkness that surrounded me. I desperately wanted to open my eyes, I wanted to see Hikaru's face and caress his what I assume to be tearstained cheek. My eyelids felt like they were being weighed down by a thousand pounds, nonetheless I Began to part my lids, revealing the amber orbs that laid beneath them. I was determined to see my love, my Hikaru, once again. Slowly I parted the light barriers, and quickly shut them tight again as the light from the room proved to be a little too bright for me to handle. Once I became use to the light I fluttered my eyelids open again, and a distressed Hikaru came into view.

"Kaoru! Kaoru… this is all my fault! I thought I killed you… I'm so glad your awake." Hikaru kissed my cheek gently before resting his head on my chest. "I'm so glad the ambulance got you to the hospital in time… I was so scared, I thought I had lost you Kaoru."

"Hospital?" I questioned. My head was still hazy, and I was nothing short of confused.

"Oh Kaoru, don't you remember? You came home in a bad mood, and I fought with you… I was so selfish, I didn't think about how you were feeling. I didn't even give you a proper amount of time to explain." Hikaru brought his fingers up to my scalp, and intertwined his fingers in the soft, orange spikes there. "Kaoru, you tried to commit suicide, you purposely overdosed on sleeping drugs."

My eyes widened as I began to recall the event of that day:

_'Trigonometry. Mori-Senpai can help. I'm not Hunny-Senpai. No Mori, Stop! Please don't touch me there. I hate you Hikaru! I'm tired, I need to sleep… pills, I need pills.'_

After that everything else in my memory went black.

"Kaoru, I'm so sorry, this… what happened to you is all my fault." Tears ran down the smooth skin on Hikaru's cheeks, damping the chest area on my hospital gown. "I'm so sorry I'm such a bad brother, Kaoru I love you, I really, really love you. I don't want you to forgive me…" Hikaru's cries became more audible, I tried to wipe the tears from his golden eyes, but was prevented by the IV in my arm.

"Hikaru, you're an amazing brother, you're my everything and I love you." My voice was raspy, and I began to cough. "Hikaru, there is nothing to forgive, I was way out of line today, I had a rough day at school today and I wrongfully took it out on you." I averted my eyes from Hikaru's loving gaze, I knew if he looked right into my eyes he would be able to tell I was lying to him, and if he found out about Mori and I he would… I didn't even want to think about it.

We just sat in satisfied silence for a while, I was so happy to have Hikaru with me, embracing me. I closed my eyes, and allowed my better half to caress away my pain. Hikaru had no idea how much I needed him at that moment, how much I needed him to hold me. I began to sob as the realization of what could of happened today hit me with immense force. I could of lost Hikaru forever.

"Shh Kaoru, I'm here, everything is going to be alright." Hikaru whispered into my ear, his gentle breath soothing the wounds I had inflicted there earlier.

When Hikaru told me everything was going to be alright, I believed him with all my heart. He said it with such sincerity, Hikaru had never once lied to me yet, so how could I not believe him?

The silence in the room was suddenly broken by a loud knock at the door. "Kaoru, Kaoru my beautiful son, are you alright?" Tamaki's princely voiced sounded through the door before it was flung open and he rushed to my bed, with the other host club members trailing behind, including my attacker, but you wouldn't know that he is the reason for all my pain and suffering at this moment, he looked as innocent as ever.

"Kao-Chan! We were all so worried!" Hunny-Senpai exclaimed from Mori-Senpai's shoulder, clinging as if his young life depended on it. "Usa-Chan, Takashi, and I brought you a cake! It's a strawberry cream cake!" Mori-Senpai set down a half eaten cake on the small table in the corner of the room. "I'm sorry it's half gone though, I just wanted to have a little taste and it was just so good, I couldn't help myself!" The blonde boy giggled cutely, but it did the exact opposite of what it was intended to do, instead of warming my heart, and making me go 'Awwww, what a cutie!' it disgusted me. I wanted to vomit.

"Oh it's fine Senpai, thank you very much, I'll be sure to have some later when I'm feeling a little better." I had a fake smile plastered to my face as I accepted the half-eaten gift graciously. Someone is going to have to remind me to throw that shit in the trash can later.

"Hikaru and Kaoru, you won't have to worry about medical expenses, since the Ootori Group owns this hospital. This one is on me." The Shadow King had a bright smile on his face, and when the Shadow King smiles you know money is involved somehow. I was sort of apprehensive to accept Kyouya-Senpai's offer, I knew there had to be some kind of catch. "You two are aware we have a host club night garden party tomorrow night right? Due to current circumstances It is obvious that Kaoru won't be able to attend, but Hikaru we have to get you fitted for your kimono, so I would like you to come with me when I leave the hospital."

"Senpai you know I can't do that, I have to watch over Kaoru, he is terrified of hospitals." Hikaru protested on my behalf.

"I can stay with him for awhile." Mori-Senpai stated in his deep, rumbling voice, jumping on the chance to catch me alone.

"Really Mori-Senpai? You'd do that for me? You're a life saver! Is that alright with you Kaoru? I'd be back tomorrow morning."

I was so torn, I knew what would happen if Mori was left alone with me that night, but if I'd refused Hikaru might guess something was up.

In the end I chose to make sure Hikaru would always be with me other than my own wellbeing. That's just how much I love Hikaru.

"Sure Hikaru go ahead and go, I'll be fine with Mori-Senpai." A battle raged within me, as I fought and struggled to hold the tears back. I was so close to losing.

"Then I'm staying too!" Hunny-Senpai decided as he wrapped his arms around Mori's waist, snuggling close to his much taller cousin. "Where ever Takashi goes I go too!" Hunny held up his velveteen, powder pink usagi plushie, presenting it to Mori-Senpai. "See? Usa-Chan wants to stay with Takashi too!"

"No, Mitsukuni you have a big martial arts competition tomorrow. You need a good nights rest if you wish to excel tomorrow." Mori's face seem to sadden a bit, as if it pained him to deny Hunny to be able to stay with him.

"But… but Takashi, I want to stay with you!" The blond boy's chocolate eyes began to overflow with tears that didn't get very far before Mori-Senpai wiped them away with is clothed wrist.

"I know, but I'll see you tomorrow morning alright? You have to be grown up about this okay? If I don't stay with Kaoru he will have to be alone here." Mori reasoning seemed to calm the boy, as he stopped crying.

"Alright Takashi, I'll be a big boy for Kao-Chan!" Hunny's big, brown eyes glittered as he hugged Usa-Chan tighter to his chest.

The hospital room was filled with chitter chatter of trivial matters, I looked around at all the smiling faces with great envy. How I wished I could have been happy too, but all I could think about was Hikaru having to leave soon, and having to spend the night with my rapist.

And that dreaded time came.

The host club members, said there farewells and Hikaru kissed my cheek. "I'll be back tomorrow morning, Mori-Senpai take care of my brother alright?"

"Mhm." Mori nodded in response, but Hikaru didn't know how Mori-Senpai planned to_ take care of me._

Just like that they were all gone, leaving me with this great unknown danger. Takashi Morinozuka. As soon as he was sure they weren't coming back, he smirked at me and locked the door to my hospital room. No one was coming to save me now. The jet black headed man began to strip. He silently removed his jacket and shirt, discarding them on the floor below, exposing his bare, toned chest to me. His bottoms and underwear soon followed. Mori-Senpai climbed into the bed and straddled my hips, as he fiddled with my hospital gown, trying to remove it from my shivering body.

Once he finally had the garment off of me he kissed me passionately. His tongue slipped into my mouth and he moaned into the kiss as he pressed our erections together. "Mitsukuni, I'm so sorry I said you couldn't stay with me today, let me make it up to you." Mori kissed my upper-chest and licked a path towards my nipple before the whole pink nub disappeared between his lips. Oh no, this is bad. My nipples are my most sensitive part of my body. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay quiet for long.

"Mmmm Hikaru…" I moaned out my lovers name in an act of habit that I soon regretted. Mori-Senpai bit down hard on the sensitive flesh, making me cry out. He was reminding me it was in my best interest to stay in character. Mori began to move down lower, teasing me by probing his tongue in and out of my belly button. I raised my hips off the surprising large hospital bed, bucking from the sensual attention that Mori-Senpai was giving me. Mori looked up at me his silver eyes were darkened to the point where it frightened me, he was overtaken by lust and desire. Mori's tongue finally reached my semi-hard cock, he licked the head and I shivered in ecstasy. I fully hardened as Mori-Senpai's lips slid over my cock, I felt his throat muscles relax and he took my whole shaft into the warm, wet tightness of his throat. All at once Mori started moving, bobbing his head up and down as he moaned around my manhood. I felt something poke at my entrance and before I could register what it was three of Mori's finger began to stretch me. He curled his fingers inside of me and hit my sweet spot head on, causing me to release in his mouth.

"Takashi!" I screamed out. I don't know If it was caused by the pain I felt, or the pleasure of the orgasm that rocked my body.

Mori removed his mouth from my most private place, and spit some of my own semen onto his hand before rubbing it on his rock hard member. At least he was using some sort if lube this time.

He lifted my legs, and Mori lined himself up in-between and pushed into my hole. This is the second time he has violated me in the same day.

As Mori violently slammed in and out of me tears fell from my eyes as Hikaru's words from just earlier on filled my mind:

_"Shh Kaoru, I'm here, everything is going to be alright."_

But everything wasn't alright, I was being raped for the second time in one day. And Hikaru most certainly wasn't here with me. Why would he lie to me? He has never lied to me. Until now…

**Wahhhhhhh! Poor Kaoru! T-T you Can all just assume that the hospital was really busy that day, so that's why none of nurses or doctors stopped into check on Kaoru. Yeah, they were too busy with some other patients too here Kaoru cries for help. Oh, and I noticed that Haruhi wasn't there to wish Kaoru well. I'm too lazy to go back and add her in, so it's assuming time again! Let's just say she was busy… with stuff… she had to do… today… XD Oh, and please review, I just can't express in words how much it means to me! :D**

**~Kousei**


	4. A Change in Costume

**Hello Everyone! Ichigo Kousei Here! I'm so sorry it takes me so long to update, I have been really busy lately! I just rescued a stray kitten, it's an orange tabby with light blue eyes and it's got like crazy energy, so I've been trying to keep up with him. I named it Ichigo 'cause it's deep orange fur is almost red, so it reminds me of strawberries! We are taking him to get his shots next week! :D I'm so glad I get to keep him! I also just completed learning all the Japanese hiragana script symbols. I only have two more scripts to learn how to read and write, I'm working on katakana now. Hopefully you see those as two good reasons why I haven't updated in awhile. I'm so sorry for making you wait again! Please don't hate me! XD**

**I'm Not Him**

**Chapter 4: A Change in Costume **

"Kaoru…. Kaoru wake up!" I opened my eyes to find Mori-Senpai shaking my shoulders gently.

"Hmm…." I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes before glancing around the hospital room, and looking outside my window, I didn't see much. Intense Darkness surrounded everything out side, it must be late night, or early morning. "Senpai, um what time is it?"

"Two fifteen in the morning." Mori answered me bluntly, almost like it was normal to be up at 2:15 am.

"May I ask why we are up so early?" I'm sure the dark haired man could tell I was more than a little ticked off at being awaken so early. I was also grumpy because this is first morning I have ever woken up to someone else's face other than Hikaru's.

"The doctor said you are fully recovered, I can take you home now." Mori handed me a lavender T-shirt with a pink bunny printed on the front, along with a pair of blue jeans and some fresh boxers. "Here put these on."

I took the T-shirt and looked it over. I wrinkled my nose in distaste, the shirt wasn't really something my style. "Senpai do you think I could have a shirt that's a little less… um childish?"

"No. You will wear what I want you to wear, Kaoru."

At first I didn't understand why what shirt I wore was such a big deal, I eyed the shirt again and then it all started to make sense. Mori wanted me to wear the shirt because it was something that suited Hunny-Senpai, I guess me just acting like the cute blond Lolita boy in bed wasn't enough for him. Apparently I had to dress like him too. I didn't protest anymore I pulled the IV from my arm and got dressed quietly. Mori-Senpai gathered my things, checked me out of the hospital and we both headed out to the car he had waiting for us. The driver came around and opened the door for us, I sat down quietly as Mori sat down beside me. About half way through the ride I realized Mori wasn't taking me home to Hikaru, but to his home. I didn't say anything though, what's the point?

When we arrived at the Morinozuka mansion, I was lead into a large bathroom on the bottom floor. There was a chair, similar to one you would see in a hair salon in the middle of the white tiled floor. A man with long, light purple hair tied in a ponytail was also standing in the room and he smiled at Mori-Senpai and I.

"Kaoru, this is my personal hairstylist. His name is Gakupo-San, he will wash and style your hair for you."

"It's very nice to meet you Kaoru, called me this morning and told me exactly what you want done. You will look wonderful when I'm through with you!" The man who smelled usually like eggplants exclaimed, as he patted the chair in front of him, signaling me to sit.

For the next hour and a half my scalp was scrubbed with scented shampoos, also a thick white substance that smelled of bleach was spread generously onto my bright orange locks. 'Hmm must be some type of dandruff preventing shampoo' I thought to myself. Once more Gakupo-San soaped, and rinsed my hair. Soon I felt the familiar heat of the hair dryer. He brought my bangs out and used hair gel to put it to the side.

"You look gorgeous! Such a dramatic transformation! This must be my best work yet!" Gakupo exclaimed as his arms flailed above his head in excitement. Mori nodded in agreement and handed me a mirror. My eyes widened in terror as I took in the reflected image the mirror had given me. Mori kissed my cheek gently.

"Blond suits you, my love." he whispered into my ear.

I dropped the mirror and it shattered into hundreds of sliver, shimmering pieces as it hit the cream colored, tiled floor. I felt just like the mirror at that moment. Broken.

"What the hell am I supposed to tell Hikaru? What will he think when I come home a blond? I'll tell you what, he'll think I don't want to look like him anymore, like I don't love him anymore!" I screamed at Mori-Senpai. Gakupo had long since left the room, I am sure he knew he should give the two of us some alone time.

"I don't care what Hikaru thinks, this is for me. Your mine." Mori kissed me forcefully as tears streamed down my cheeks. No… no, I wasn't just going to sit here crying and take it this time. I had to do something to stop him.

"Mori-Senpai you should get me home, it's almost five A.M., Hikaru might be about to leave the house to get me from the hospital. You should take me home now so you don't rouse suspicion."

"Your right." Mori-Senpai pulled away from me, and instructed me to go out to the car and one of the driver would take me home.

The whole ride back to my home was like Hell, only worse. I just kept on thinking about what Hikaru's reaction would be when he saw my new hair color. He would be furious.

When I got home I walked up to the door and turned the knob, I was surprised when I opened the door to find Hikaru staring back at me. He had his coat on like he was about to go out.

"I don't know who you are, and why you are trying to get into my house without knocking, but I don't have time for this! My brother is at the hospital waiting for me to pick him up. So if you'll excuse me…" My heart stopped, how could Hikaru not of recognized me? I knew I had a new look, but still… we've been together in our own little world our entire lives.

"Hika… it's me." I said faintly, I was still in a state of shock because Hikaru hadn't recognized me.

"Kaoru? What the… why did you change your hair color? We are twins, we are supposed to look alike! Why would you decide to do something like this on your own? You've been acting so distant lately… and it's fucking driving me insane!" I knew Hikaru would be furious, but furious just couldn't describe the look in his eyes. When I looked into his pools of amber I saw pain, pain like I have never seen pain before. It was just so strong, I could tell he wanted to cry but he just kept it all in. Next thing I knew Hikaru roughly grabbed my wrists.

"Let's go." My fuming twin pulled me roughly up the stairs towards our bedroom, once we were inside he slammed the door before locking it.

"Hikaru, what are you…umph!" I was silenced by Hikaru's soft, pink lips crashing onto mine.

"Kaoru… I won't let you slip away from me. I love you." Hikaru pinned me to the bed and started to remove my purple shirt. I started to struggle underneath of him. I didn't want to be loved by him this morning, I was just too emotionally scarred. "Your mine."

"Hikaru! Get off of me… please brother, we can't!" I begged in a desperate attempt to protect my already severely damaged body.

My brother ceased the action of unbuttoning my tight jeans for a moment so he could answer me. "Why the hell not? There was never a problem before! Kaoru, do you love me?"

"Hika… of course I do."

"Then let me do this, please I need to be inside of you…" and with that Hikaru pulled my pants and boxers down my smooth legs. I watched as Hikaru undressed himself, discarding his clothing on our bedroom floor. Hikaru finger ran along my crevice before he pushed one of his long, slender fingers inside of me. He added in another digit in an attempt to stretch me. That's when I remember I couldn't do this with Hikaru because I might of caught a sexually transmitted disease from Senpai. If I got Hikaru sick I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

"Hikaru, could… you um please use a condom?" I asked petrified of the reaction.

"You have got to be kidding me! Do you actually think I'd give you something Kao? I haven't been with anyone but you. You know you're my one and only." When I heard those words come from Hikaru, I felt all the more guilty.

"Please, it's my body… and I want to protect it." I whispered in response, hiding the truth from my twin.

Hikaru planted a gentle kiss on my lips before positioning himself at my entrance. "Trust me Kaoru." Hikaru leaned into to me and moaned out when he was fully surrounded by me.

"Kao, can I move?" Hikaru waited for my approval, but I didn't give one, I was too busy crying my eyes out. He continued anyway.

I started to struggle again, but my efforts were futile. Hikaru's full body weight was holding me down as he thrusted into me, gaining speed with each forward motion. Besides Hikaru was much stronger then me. There was no way to stop him. I was his. Just like I was Mori-Senpai's. All I am is an item to be used.

"Kaoru, I'm close…" Hikaru grabbed my cock and fisted it off-time with his thrusts.

Now here is the part I just don't understand: When Mori and now this morning Hikaru, violate me I hate it, and I want nothing more than for them to just stop. Despite that feeling, the pit of my stomach begins to bubble, telling me that my release is near. Why is my body enjoying this? I'm sick, and maybe this is my rightful punishment.

I came on my stomach and Hikaru's hand. I violently tensed around Hikaru's member which was still buried inside of me. Hikaru let out a high pitched whimper and came right behind me, coating my insides with his thick, white seed. He pulled out of me and collapsed on the bed beside me. "I love you Kaoru, and I can't ever let you forget that." Hikaru ran his fingers through my now golden hair, caressing my scalp. My only answer was my breathless crying.

"Kaoru, was it really that bad? Do you despise me now that much?" Hikaru questioned, looking into my cat like eyes that matched his own.

"I told you to stop Hika, to use a condom. You didn't listen, you didn't care…" I barely got it out on account of how distraught I was.

"Look, I don't have anything! So if that's what is wrong just forget about it." Hikaru tried to wrap his arms around me to console me, but I just rolled onto my side. I didn't want him to touch me.

"I can't just forget, you raped me Hikaru!" I snapped, how could Hikaru not see the severity of the situation.

"No,no,no! This isn't about me having something is it Kaoru?"

"I don't know what your talking about!" I averted my eyes from Hikaru's stare.

"Kaoru… who else have you been with?"

**And cut! I think I'm going to end this chapter here. Oh and sorry for the random guest star Gakupo appearance, if you guys know who Gakupo is. I was listening to Dancing Samurai while writing this, and I needed someone to play the part of the hair dresser. XD I'm sure you are all wondering why they are having relations so early in the morning right? Well the truth is I really don't know why either so sorry! Thank you all so much for all of your reviews. Thanks to you guys I will continue to see this story all the way to the end! I could never do it with out you guys supporting me! I'll see you all later with another chapter soon Mmkay.**

**~Kousei**


	5. Washed Away

**Sorry again for my mega-slow updates, middle school promotion is coming up, and I'm going to give the promotion speech. Not to mention all my final exams!**

I sat silently. I couldn't lie to my brother, so I decided not to say anything.

"Oh my god Kaoru! How long has this been going on? How long have you lusted for another?"

I stayed silent.

"Am I not good enough for you? Am I lacking something? I can't fix it unless you tell me!"

I stayed silent.

"Who could you love more than me, your fucking twin brother!" The volume of Hikaru's voice began to rise in anger. I couldn't blame him though. After everything I've done to Hikaru, I deserved to be yelled at, to be hated. "I know it can't be Tamaki-Senpai or Kyouya-Senpai. Hunny-Senpai and Mori-Senpai are entirely out of the question. So if not them, then who?"

My brother pulled his boxers back on, and paced back and forth in front of the bed in an effort to conjure up reasonable candidates that could be receiving my affection. Suddenly Hikaru's pacing ceased, and he brought his trembling hand up to cover his mouth which was agape in shock.

"No…No,NO!" Hikaru violently threw his head side to side before he grabbed my bare shoulders and shook me roughly.

"Kaoru, how could you? You knew I was in love with Haruhi, but I abandoned my feelings for her so I could keep you with me! And now here you are fooling around with her behind my back!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, how could Hikaru ever even consider me being able to hurt him like that? I was about to deny his false accusations when I realized that I couldn't tell Hika the truth about Mori-Senpai. I was forced to agree with Hikaru's assumptions.

"Hika, I'm so sorry… I was so weak. She told me to forget about you, that you didn't love me! Then she touched me… I begged her to stop, that I was already in love with you, but she, she…" I stopped to rub the fake tears, I added to the story to give it a more truthful/dramatic tone, from my eyes with the back of my tightly clenched fist. "I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was just so…so scared you wouldn't love me anymore, and I just wouldn't be able to live with that." Hikaru sat down on the bed beside me, I collapsed onto his lap, digging my nails into his forearms as he held me in an effort to calm me. "So please forgive me… I love you and only you Hika."

"Oh… Kaoru." My brother gently stroked my sunshine-colored locks, his fingers lightly brushed against my scalp.

"Don't worry Kao, I'll never, ever let that bitch hurt you again! How dare that slut go and seduce my little brother!" Hikaru glanced at the wall clock before he shot up from the bed and picked me up, cradling me bridal style. He was carrying me into the hallway, in the direction of the bathroom.

"We need to get dressed for school Kao." As we stepped into the room Hikaru switched the lights on and set me down in the cool, porcelain tub before turning the water on. As the warm water pooled around my shivering body Hikaru poured a pink bath soap into the water, and in an instant a swarm of fluffy, white, sweet pea scented bubbles surrounded me. I stopped shivering, and for once, in a long time, I felt safe. Safe with my big brother Hikaru. I began to cry again. I couldn't believe I still had tears left to shed, but there I was crying in the arms of my brother. But these tears were oh, so different from the tears of anger and pain that I have grown accustom to. Yes, these were tears of bliss and hope, hope that tomorrow would be better for me. But most of all these were tears of adoration for my brother, my other half. When I thought of the love Hika and I shared, I just couldn't stop the tears from overflowing from my amber eyes, and falling into the comforting, fragrant waters below.

Hikaru shot me a concerned glance and wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb. "Kao? Why are you crying? I'm sorry I was so rough, I was just…"

"I'm scared…" I whispered softly, cutting my brother off.

"Kao, I'm right here with you. What are you scared of?" Hikaru grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, before shutting off the water in the tub so he could hear what I was saying more clearly, for I was whispering faintly.

"I…I'm s…scared you'll hate me…I'm scared you won't want to be with me anymore."

Hikaru picked up a bath pouf and poured some of the sweet pea bath soap onto it before he lifted my foot out of the water and worked the soap into a lather on the appendage. He rinsed the smooth skin of my foot before leaning down to kiss it. I blushed a bright shade of red.

"Kao, I love how the toes on your feet curl when I tease you with my tongue." Hikaru whispered in a low, loving voice.

Hikaru told me to get on my hands and knees in the water, once I was in position he spread my cheeks apart and washed me in my most private place. But for some reason I didn't feel violated, if it was Hikaru, the one I love, than it was alright.

"I love how soft your backside is, and I love how even though you deny it, it's your favorite place to be stroked."

I moved back into my original position so my brother could continue to wash away the filth, shame, and guilt that covered every inch of my frail existents. Soon Hikaru brought the pouf up to my nipples. He rubbed the both of them with the coarse fabric of the bath pouf before he brought one to his mouth and nibbled ever so gently. I moaned and threw my head back. Hikaru unclamped his teeth from the sensitive, pink nub.

"Nggh, Hika… don't stop… more onegai!" I protested as my brother suddenly discontinued the stimulation of my chest area.

"I love how when I touch you in intimate ways, you lose control and beg me for more."

Hikaru splashed clear water onto my face before lifting me out of the tub and draining the water. He sat me on the edge of the tub and began to pat dry my face with a soft, plush, white towel.

"Kaoru, I love your gorgeous face, and the many emotions it displays." Hikaru wiped the corner of my eye, taking care of tear that threatened to fall. "But I must say, I like it better when your smiling."

My brother stared deeply into my eyes, searching for permission for his next move. I nodded, and he pressed his lips onto mine, in a chaste, loving kiss. "Kaoru, out of all those things do you want to know what I love the most?"

"Mm-Hm."

"I love how you love me, how you still continue to love me after I just hurt you, forced you to do something against your will. Forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, I love you Hikaru."

"Go ahead and get dressed, because when I' m done in the bathroom we are going straight to school to confront Haruhi on what she has done to you. I won't let her get away with this!"

I nodded in agreement, but I knew my problems were far from over on the inside. Why did I have to drag innocent Haruhi into all of the drama?

_What had I just started?_

**Sorry my chapters are so short! Ohh, I'm excited for the next chapter! it's about to go down DUN DUN DUUNNN!…at least I think it is. XD And thank you so much for the reviews! They are what keep me going! See you soon!**

**~Kousei**


	6. Under False Impressions

**Yay! Ichigo Kousei updated! Oh, and to answer KuroPika X's question: Yes, Kao-Chan's hair is blond at the moment. Maybe I shouldn't of used the words 'Sunshine-Colored' 'cause I guess you could put that in the orange/auburn category. *Shrugs* Anyway lets get to the story.**

**Chapter 6: Under False Impressions**

I sat out in the car that was to escort my brother and myself to school that morning, and waited for a furious Hikaru to immerge from our home. I sighed before pressing my cheek to the cool, tinted car window. I was terrified to go to school that day. I knew that Hika would try to hurt Haruhi physically whenever he got the chance. I had to do something before things got too out of hand. But what could I do? I was too submerged in my thoughts to notice that Hikaru had exited the house, and was opening the door to the car to climb in with me.

"You just wait 'til I see that whore Haruhi! She will regret the moment she put her hands on you!" Hikaru fiercely announced before slamming his fist into the glass, car window. I was surprised it had not shattered from the force of the impact. Hikaru's sudden outburst earned an confused look from the chauffer, but he quickly averted his concerned gaze and remained silent.

The twenty three minute car ride was filled with angry musings, grunts, and threats aimed towards poor, innocent Haruhi. What could the weak girl do if Hikaru tried to fight her? Would she fight back? Or maybe she'd just sit and take it, while tears of helplessness streamed down her bruised, beaten, bloody face? I couldn't let that happen, I had to tell Hikaru the truth. "Hika, I h-have…" I stopped to take a breath, in a failed effort to calm my trembling voice. "I-I have something to tell you… Well the o-other day M-Mor…" I was cut off when my brother grabbed a hold of both my perspiring hands with his own, and squeezed gently.

"I'm so glad you told me the truth about what was going on with Haruhi." Hikaru stopped and planted a kiss on the smooth skin on the back of my hand. "I'm so glad we are through with all of the lies, 'cause now I can help you Kao. I can stop your suffering."

After hearing those words, the unbelievably happy and relieved tone in my brothers voice, there was no way I could tell him I had lied to him, betrayed him once again.

"I'm glad too." Hikaru gently titled my chin and planted a kiss on my carination pink lips.

Finally we arrived at Ouran Academy, and there waiting at the door was Haruhi, ready to walk to class with us like any another normal day, but today wasn't any normal day. As soon as Hikaru's amber eyes fell on Haruhi he bolted from the car with lighting fast movements, and before I could register what was happening Hikaru already had pushed Haruhi to the hard ground. He was spitting harsh obscenities and accusations at the confused, frightened girl.

"Hi-Hikaru? Wh-what are you talking abo.." Haruhi's trembling voice was cut off when Hikaru's fist rose, threatening to strike the defenseless brunette.

"You know damn well what's going on, you slut! How dare you hurt my precious brother, my little Kaoru! Your sick!" Hikaru was about to throw a punch before I grabbed his wrist in the nick of time and pushed him away from the frightened Haruhi.

"Stop it Hikaru! Look what your emotions are doing to you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, earning stares from the students of Ouran, well those who weren't already staring anyway. I threw my arms around Haruhi, protecting her from my fuming twin.

"Why are you defending her? After what's she's done to you." Hikaru questioned as he tried to peel her out of my protective embrace.

All of a sudden Tamaki-Senpai and Hunny-Senpai ran over to us with shocked expressions plastered to there usually soft, beautiful faces. "Hikaru? What are you doing! You bastard!" Tamaki violently pushed Hikaru to the ground and slapped him across the face. "What the hell is the matter with you? How dare you frighten my daughter like that?"

Hikaru struggled under our violet eyed Senpai before screaming out to me. "Tell them Kaoru! Tell them all what that sick bitch did to you!"

Hunny-Senpai's eyes began to water as he clutched Usa-Chan to his teeny chest. "What did Haru-Chan do to Kao-Chan?"

"GO ON, FUCKING TELL THEM KAORU!"

I tightened my grip around the more than confused Haruhi. She looked up at me, her big chocolate eyes wavering with concern for me. "Kaoru, what's going on?"

"I can't tell them Hika…" I whispered faintly, ashamed of my actions.

"What was that Kao? Why the fuck can't you tell them? She hurt you!" Hikaru screamed from under the blond who still had him pinned down in the grass in fear that he might hurt Haruhi.

"No she didn't I… I lied, I lied to you Hika. He hurt me… was… it was… M..m" I couldn't finish my sentence as a frenzy of tears streamed down my face. "Haruhi… I..I'm so sorry." I unwrapped my arms from her shivering frame and ran into Ouran Academy.

"KAORU!" I heard my brother scream in an failed attempt to stop me, but there was no way I could go back now, not after I caused so much trouble for everyone. As I ran through the halls of Ouran, I ran into a countless amount of students on my path to an unused history room, but I was to distraught to stop and apologize for my more than rude behavior. Once I reached the abandoned room I became aware of light footsteps approaching from behind, and I turned to see Hunny-Senpai making his way towards me. I ran into the room to avoid him but he followed me in. I slammed against a wall with no where else to run, and slid down to the floor.

"It's all your fucking fault! If it weren't for you I'd be happy! I'd be with Hikaru!"

"Kao-Chan, you have got to tell us what's going on with you. Please we just want to help you. Hika-Chan is do worried." Hunny Senpai whispered as he got onto his knee's and wrapped his arms around me. His tears dripped onto my white button down shirt. "I don't want to be the reason for your pain Kao-Chan."

I was so tired, so tired of all of the lies, of all the pain. I told the boy Lolita everything from the first time Mori-Senpai took me against my will to my new blonde hair color. Once I was through Hunny had a look of utter disbelief on his face.

"Your lying! Takashi would never hurt anyone, I'm sure of it!" tears gathered in the corners of Hunny's glittering, brown eyes.

Suddenly a dark, monotonous voice that I know all too well sounded at the doorway. "Yes, I would, Mitsukuni."

**Kaoru finally told someone the truth, but will Hunny tell someone so Kao-Chan can get help? Or will Mori manipulate Hunny's actions somehow? Find out next time! Thank you so much for reviews as well, I treasure each and everyone! See you soon!**

**~Kousei**


	7. I Can't Help But Love Him

**I hope none of you guys fell off the cliff I left you hanging on last time hehe… Anyway I guess it's time for me to explain my Slow-mo updates. I purchased a Squishable Octopus online the other day, they are so cute! I was so anxious for it to arrive, for three days all I did was look out the window, in hopes the UPS man would arrive soon. He finally came today so now I have my sanity back and I have returned to you! Oh, and you should Google the Squishable website, I highly recommend them, I just ordered another one, it's a T-rex! RAAAWWWRR! ^W^**

**Oh, and reminder this is in Kaoru's P.O.V**

**Chapter 7: I Can't Help But Love Him**

"Ta..Ta…Takashi, how c-could you hurt Kao-Chan like that?" Hunny-Senpai's brown eyes were glued to the his feet, his tears fell onto the cold, hard floor below. I could tell he didn't know where to look. I couldn't blame him, both options were frightening. He could look at me, a shivering, hysterical mess, or he could look at his cousin who had just twisted his perception of him into a sick, perverted, monster. He was so distraught he didn't even realize that he had dropped Usa-Chan to the floor.

"Mitsukuni, try to understand. I'm in love with you!" Mori went over to the still-in-shock boy and wrapped his arms around his small frame, before kissing his forehead gently. "You love me don't you, Mitsukuni?" Mori-Senpai asked the terrified boy.

"Of course I do Takashi… more than anything! You have always been there for me. How could I not love you after all the intimate time we have shared?" I barely made out what the blonde boy had said, his voice trembled significantly.

"Then you have to keep what Kao-Chan told you a secret. You can't tell Tamaki, or Kyouya, or Haruhi, but you especially can't tell Hikaru. Do you understand?" I sat in the corner of the room with an expression of utter disbelief. How dare Mori-Senpai manipulate Hunny like that. How could he leave him with such an important decision? It was me, or his Taka-Chan. I had a grave feeling that my rapist was going to be picked over me.

"But… but Kao-Chan…"

"They will take me away Mitsukuni! We will be forced apart. Do you want to be alone?"

"No Takashi! I don't want you to go!" Mitsukuni was petrified, tears poured uncontrollably from his chestnut eyes. He clung to his cousin with all the strength he could muster. "Please Takashi don't leave me…"

"I won't have to, if you stay silent. Now you get ready for class, I'll be there in a few. I need to have a friendly conversation with Kao-Chan, alright?" Mori glared at me irritably. I knew what was coming when Hunny-Senpai left the room.

"You promise you won't hurt him?" Hunny asked warily.

"You have my word, Mitsukuni."

Hunny-Senpai shot me an apologetic stare, he mouthed the words 'I'm so sorry Kao-Chan' before he ran out the room, slamming the door behind him. I noticed he had neglected to collect his pastel pink bunny plushie. I was about to return it to him, but before I could scoop the soft toy up Mori had slammed me against the wall roughly and violently.

"You caused me a lot of trouble today." The raven-haired teen breathed into my ear before he nibbled the tip, and bit down painfully on the lobe. "Looks like you need to be punished." Mori brought his lips to my neck and attached himself there, sucking with all he had. I was certain it was going to leave an ugly, purple hickey mark on the smooth, white skin there. I usually had no problem with hickey marks, when they were made my Hikaru that is. When my brother left hickey marks, they were like works of art, telling our story of love to the world on a pure canvas. But Mori's signified blind lust, misery, and betrayal.

"Why are you doing this to me! What did I do to deserve this?" I screamed out the question that has been on my mind since day one.

He didn't answer me, instead he applied weight to my shoulders forcing me onto my knees in front of him. "Take it out."

I brought my trembling hands up to Mori's silver belt buckle and undid it, before reaching into his boxers to pull out his blood engorged member. He let out an aroused moan when his member hit the rather chilly air of the room.

"Now look at the clock, classes start soon, so you have three minutes to get me off. Use your cute little mouth, and if you do not succeeded in making me cum in the time limit, I will ravage you unmercifully after school. It may be hard to believe but I've been holding back all this time. I didn't want to break you. But since you've caused so much trouble today, I find it a reasonable punishment. Wouldn't you agree?"

I nodded in a silent agreement.

"Good boy. Oh, and it looks like I've wasted all of your time with all of the talking. Honestly Kaoru, you should pay more attention. Oh well just be at my home today after the host club for your rightful punishment." Mori rubbed his cock against my tightly closed lips, spreading his pre-cum on pink flesh. He was giving me a little taste of what was to come tonight. He then zipped up his pants and left the unused classroom without another word. I grabbed the forgotten Usa-Chan and cradled it to my chest, in an attempt of comfort that I so desperately needed. I then understood why Hunny-Senpai carried the bunny around all of the time. It was warm, and for a moment, just for a moment, all of my worries, and my fears seemed to melt away. I tucked the toy into my school satchel, I would return it to the Lolita boy next time I saw him.

I exited the room and walked into the direction of the washroom, I wanted to wash away the filth that covered my face. But I knew no matter how hard I scrubbed, my soul would still be soiled and filthy. When I walked into the bathroom I was surprised to see Hunny-Senpai hunched over the sink.

"Oh, hello Senpai. I just had to… Oh no! What have you done!" I looked into the sink and the once white marble was stained with a red, thick liquid. Hunny-Senpai's blood. A stained razor was pressed into his fore arm. I quickly snatched the blade away from him before I grabbed paper towels to press into his wounds to stop the bleeding. "Why would you…"

" It's all my fault, I did this to you. I heard everything! I had left Usa-Chan in the room, so I waited outside the door, and he…he put his hands on you! He promised me he'd stop! But he lied to me! Takashi never ever has broken one of his promises to me. Why now?" I rubbed his back comfortingly as his sobs dwindled down into mere hiccups.

"Shhhh… Hunny, it's not your fault."

"But it is! It's just as much my fault as it is his! Maybe even more!" His brown eyes stared out at nothing in particular.

"Hunny-S…"

"It's my fault because I let this happen. It's my fault because he can't indulge in my body. It's my fault because I'm to selfish to speak up. But, despite all the horrible things he has done to you, I can't help but still love him…" Hunny's sobs became hysterical again. "WHY DO I LOVE HIM!"

I handed Hunny Usa-Chan. He hugged the bunny tight, staining his light pink fur with the blood that dripped from his cut arms.

**Poooorrrrr Hunnnnnnnnnyyyyy! TT^TT He hurt himself! It's not your fault your in love with Mori! Anyway, I would like to thank you all for your reviews! They bring a huge smile to my face! See you soon!**

**~Kousei**


	8. Rain

**Hey everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! Haha okay I kind of have a confession to make. I really don't have a thought outline for this fanfic, so in other words I have no idea how this is going to end! *Gasps!* I'm just writing this as I go along. Oh, and the reason I brought this up is 'cause I had read my fanfic straight through, just to see how it sounded all together. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like it's all over the place! And on top of everything else I hate evil Mori and I kinda want to make him nice and calm again, but that would ruin the story! HELP ME! XD I don't know what to do! *Takes a deep breath* Whewww… kay I'm good, I just needed to vent there for awhile. Anyway, back to the story!**

**I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or the characters. (I haven't said that in awhile. Was I supposed to say it every chapter? Whoops… XD If Bisco Hatori's lawyer is reading right now please don't sue me, it would be greatly appreciated!)**

**Chapter 8: Rain**

An intense flash of lighting lit the windows before the deafening roar of thunder shook the marble floor beneath me. As soon as I stepped foot in the 3rd music room, a hostile atmosphere surrounded me at all sides. In one corner Mori-Senpai glared at me, his silver eyes darkened to black by lust. I would be his in less than two hours. In another corner Hunny-Senpai stared uninterestedly at a piece of German Chocolate cake that was placed in front of him, and he would stare at his clothed arms every now and again and pull at his shirt cuffs to adjust them. I assume the material of his shirt irritated the freshly inflicted wounds that decorated his once soft and smooth forearms. Haruhi stuck close to Tamaki, clinging to his arm. She was afraid of the storm raging outdoors as well as my twin. I couldn't blame her with the startling and vicious way he had acted just earlier on today. She shot me enraged looks whenever Hikaru wasn't looking. I guess Tamaki sensed the hostility in the room as well, as he gathered us up and cleared his throat before he spoke.

"My children, I know we have had a rough day today, and I know we still have many questions that we desire to be answered! But alas, we have princesses to entertain! You must give each and everyone of our guest your undivided attention, and that's an order! Do I make myself clear?" Tamaki stood in front of myself and the other five hosts as he spoke. Periodically he would close his eyes, hiding the beautiful violet gems from the world. He would also throw up a dainty hand to cover his forehead as if he was some sort of damsel in distress.

"Hai, Milord!" Equally dramatic we all sounded in response, with the exception of Mori-Senpai and the Shadow King of course.

Next thing I knew Hikaru had his arms around my waist as we all posed in front of the large, white, wooden, 3rd music room doors. Right on schedule the doors slowly swung open, and we were bathed in a radiant, bright light as carnation pink rose petals swirled around our gorgeous bodies in the artificial breeze the air conditioners had created.

"Welcome!" we all chimed happily. I smiled warmly and leaned into my brothers embrace before we reluctantly broke apart and made our way to the section of the room we hosted in.

Nine young ladies accompanied my brother and I at our hosting station. As soon as we sat down our crazed fan girls started spouting on about how good looking my brother and I are, and complaining about their perfectly good, carefree lives. I really didn't feel like sitting through this for another two hours, so I focused my attention to the dark, gray sky and the rain that pelted on the glass windows. I know it hasn't rained in awhile, but it feels like sorrowful rain has been following me lately. I wonder why the rain choose to soak me in it's downpour?

"It's such a shame the weather is so foul today." A soft voice that belonged to one of my regular customers, Yumiko, spoke. "Did you have any plans, Kaoru? Kaoru! Umm… are you alright?"

I snapped my bored gaze from the flooded world that laid beyond the Host Club room, to the concerned indigo eyes of Yumiko, as well as my other customers.

"I'm sorry for boring you Kaoru, please don't be sad, talk to us! We're all ready and willing to listen to you! Okay sooo um… how was your day today, Kaoru." Yumiko smiled sweetly and shut her eyes cutely and cocked her head to the side. She wore a adorable pink ribbon in her hair, and a slight blush was evident on her cheeks. Her aquamarine eyes met my own, and her cute appearance softened the saddened look in my eyes.

"I apologize Yumi-Chan, My day was great! Thanks for asking! I was just thinking about something that Hikaru had told me last night."

Hikaru caught on to my idea and happily played along. "Oh! Kaoru you were so excited last night, I could hardly hold you still! I can't believe I had to use handcuffs! I was only telling the truth!" Hikaru snickered before bringing his lips oh, so close to mine. The fan girls went wild!

"Moe! It's so Moe!" A loud thud sounded in my ears, I looked to the floor to see that Yumi-Chan had fainted due to the amount of blood she lost through her nose.

The rest of the Host Club went by uneventful until all the ladies had exited the room, it was time for everyone to depart. Mori shot me _'The Look' _and I nodded knowingly.

"I really liked you act today Kao," Hikaru whispered seductively and just about inaudibly in my ear. "Tonight I just might have to put handcuffs onto you. You will be unbearably hard and dripping before I even lay a hand on you. Hmmm?"

"I can't."

Hikaru sighed disappointedly and crossed his arms. "I should of seen that coming, you've been blowing me off lately…"

Mori had overheard the conversation and made his way over to us.

"Hi Mori-Senpai, um is there something you want?" Hikaru asked the tall teen who towered over us.

"Kaoru." Mori-Senpai answered bluntly and roughly grabbed my arm and yanked me towards him.

"Kao… what's going on?" Hikaru looked at me with a confused stare.

"Kaoru is coming home with me."

"Wh-What?" Hikaru's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Oh boy, you haven't told him yet Kaoru?" Mori-Senpai caught my chin and tilted it upwards to gently planted a kiss on my soft, pink lips. Everyone's jaw in the 3rd music room dropped. "Kaoru and I are in love."

"Really! Congratulations you two!" Tamaki came over and patted Mori-Senpai on his broad, muscular back once he had gotten over his own shock.

"Oh… so I understand. Is that why you lied to Hikaru? Were you afraid to tell him the truth because you were afraid he wouldn't accept your homosexual relationship with Mori-Senpai?" Haruhi's explanation of my actions seemed perfectly logical, heck I almost believed them. Suddenly, earsplitting thunder shattered the stillness of the room, Haruhi yipped in fear and ran to Tamaki before throwing herself in his arms. I wanted to answer her, but my eyes were fixed on a distraught Hikaru.

"Go on my love, answer them. No need to be shy here, we're with friends. They understand." The raven haired teen played the role of 'the caring boyfriend' perfectly. I'm sure he had everyone fooled.

I took a deep breath to stabilize my irregular breathing pattern, even so my voice stilled wobbled. "Y-yes, Haruhi. I'm so s-sorry for t-th-that. Can you forgive me?" I was on the verge of tears, one even escaped the invisible barrier I had set and rolled down my cheek. Mori-Senpai dried my eyes with the pad of his thumb and hugged me tightly, cradling the back of my head with his hand.

"There's no need to cry Kao, of course Haruhi forgives you. It's not your fault, you were afraid." Mori released me from his loving, no wait, his mock-loving embrace, and settled for just intertwining his fingers with my own.

"You can't call him that…" Hikaru finally spoke up, his fists were tightly clenched.

"Na-Nani?" Mori-Senpai questioned, his left eyebrow raised slightly. All of the hosts went silent and directed their gaze at my grief-stricken brother.

"You can't shorten Kaoru's name to Kao, only I can." Hikaru whispered just about inaudibly, I wonder if everyone had heard what he had said over the rain that cascaded the roof of the academy.

"Hikaru, your brother is dating Mori-Senpai. I'm sure Kaoru is alright with pet names given to him by his lover." Kyouya remarked matter-of-factly, as his ink pen danced across a page in his black notebook.

"WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS KYOUYA?" Hikaru screamed making everyone in the room flinch. Haruhi yelped, flashbacks from earlier on today finding their way to her memory.

I tired to pull my hand from my captors, I looked him in the eyes asking for permission to be released. He nodded and reluctantly untangled his fingers from mine. I went over to Hikaru and hugged him tightly.

"Kaoru, p-please, don't do this. You don't need him, you have me. I love you, don't leave me." Tears poured from his amber eyes.

At this point Hunny-Senpai started to wail in fear and guilt, clutching Usa-Chan to his tiny chest. Mori-Senpai quickly scooped up the light eighteen year old and shushed him while whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

"Hikaru, you'll be fine on your on your own right?" I looked away from my brother, avoiding his pained gaze. Hikaru put both of his smooth palms on either side of my face and turned my face gently, forcing me to look at him. His amber eyes searched my own eyes for the answer to why I would hurt him like this.

Hikaru roughly grabbed my forearms and squeezed desperately. "What have I done to upset you Kao? Please don't force this upon me! I want to be with you!"

By this point all the all of the other hosts, with the exception of Mori of course, looked on at us with expressions of confusion adorning their features. Mori was the only one who knew of our incestuous relationship, a relationship that most definitely crossed the boundaries of brotherly love.

I took a deep breath, I was ready to deliver the final blow. "Hikaru, I don't love you. I… I never did."

"Kaoru… don't say things you don't mean." Haruhi let go of Tamaki for a moment to lay one of her delicate hands on my shoulder.

"Haruhi is right, Kaoru. You don't mean that, everyone of us here has seen the love you and Hikaru share. There is no denying it!" Tamaki put his hand on my unoccupied shoulder and squeezed it in a manly, reassuring manner.

"I mean it! Hikaru always throws himself at me, without even asking me if this is what I want!" Lightning flashed, before a loud clap of thunder caused me to halt mid-thought. "This is why I was afraid to tell you Hikaru, 'cause I knew you would react this way."

"WELL WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT!" Hikaru shouted irritably.

"I-I'm so s-sorry, for everything." my body began to tremble before the tears came. Mori came over to me and trapped me in a forceful yet protective embrace, shielding me from my mirror image who was completely beside himself.

"Hikaru, stop he has had enough for one day." Mori breathed into my neck, his hot breath searing the sensitive flesh there.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY BABY BROTHER!" Hikaru threw himself at us, and tried to pry me out of Mori's grip. But I knew it was no use. There was no way anyone could save me now. I was now the claimed property of Takashi Morinozuka. I just wish Hikaru would forget about me, I don't want him to find out about the rape. He would beat himself up over it, and I hate to see Hika in pain. But, aren't I causing him a great deal of pain right now? Ugggh! Everything is so fucked up, and I'm not thinking straight anymore. If I just play the part of Mori's satisfied, and blissful lover, maybe Hikaru will come to terms one day and accept it. But, on the other hand Hikaru would never be able to accept the reality that I had been raped, and he wasn't there to save his little brother. He would shut down, and I would never see his smiling face again. So, I decided that my decision to play along with Mori-Senpai would be the best thing for Hikaru in the long run. I knew I would be fine, as long as I knew Hikaru would be happy again someday.

"Just stop it, Hikaru! I'm not happy with you, I never was! But, now I've found true love with Senpai! Why would you want to take that away from me? You claim you love me, but do you really?" I clung to Mori, as if I were afraid to let him go, adding a feeling of true love and sincerity to what I was saying.

"Kao, I love you more than anything! This is crazy! You know I love you, you're my baby brother, and I'll always love you!" Hikaru's cat-like eyes glowed with irritated determination, he was trying desperately to convey his amazingly strong feelings of love for me with mere words.

"Well than show it! Forget about me! Let me go… I'm in love and happy! If you really cared about me and love me like you claim you do, then you should have my best interest and happiness at heart." I glanced around the room it was empty, I figured that our friends thought it was best to give the three of us some privacy.

"Tell me Kao, how could I forget? After everything we've been through… after we have constructed our own little world? That world is all I have Kaoru. Remember it was just me and you back then, we held on to each other, petrified to let go." Hikaru whispered faintly. "How could I forget the first night we made love? We were only thirteen, but even though we were so young we still knew we were in love, it was undeniable. How can I forget how you clung to my hand, and how beautiful you were back then, and how beautiful you still are now? How could I forget the sound of your voice when you cry out my name in pleasure?" My brother cupped my face tenderly and kissed me on the forehead lovingly. "How will I be able to forget this gorgeous face, the face I fell in love with? Please Kao… come back to our world, our home, with me. All you have to do is take my hand, I'll take care of the rest." Hikaru held out his hand, his palm facing upwards. I had just about changed my mind, I was about to tell Hikaru the truth about everything. But just as I was about to grab hold of Hika's trembling hand Mori-Senpai slapped it away.

"Sounds like you need to get out more, Hikaru. Kaoru has moved on, he has out grown that world you speak of, and so should you. Let's go Kao." Mori-Senpai let me grab my belongings as he grabbed his, and he pulled me towards the door.

"Senpai." Hikaru called in an final attempt to stop us.

"Hm?"

"Please don't try anything with my baby brother. Don't touch him."

"Too late." Mori answered coldly.

Hikaru had a look of total and utter defeat plastered to his face. "I see, well if that's the case then Kaoru don't even bother coming home to me. Consider yourself already forgotten."

I took one last look at my brother, and caught a glimpse a of a shimmering tear rolling down his cheek before I was pulled out of the third music room.

Once we were outside the building Mori rushed to a limo that was waiting for us and hurriedly dashed inside, for it was still raining heavily. I threw my head back, letting the rain envelope me. The heavy drops drenched me, and the cool sensation put me at ease. Maybe it was alright for me to accept my fate.

"Let's go Kaoru! Get in the damn car!" Mori snapped angrily.

"Goodbye Hika." I whispered before climbing into the limo with Mori. We drove away from Ouran Academy, with the steady pitter-patter of the rain on the roof.

***Jump To Mori's Room***

I sat on Mori's bed completely naked, as was he. He climbed on top of me and caught my lips in a passionate kiss. Before he pulled away he bit down on my bottom lip, clamping his teeth down. Tears filled my eyes, I yelped and tried to pull away, but he had both my wrists pinned down to the headboard. He released my bottom lip and wiped the blood that had pooled there with his thumb before licking the digit clean of the thick, crimson liquid that pooled there, like some kind of sadistic vampire. Mori trailed lower to my neck, he kissed my Adam's apple and closed his lips around it before sucking it into his mouth. I mewled and threw my head back, giving him more room to work. I might as well try to enjoy this, right? He bit down there as well. I whimpered and tried to push him away, but the more I struggled, the harder he pressed down.

"Don't you dare, this isn't supposed to be pleasurable for you, this is solely punishment." Mori got up from the bed and went over to a drawer, he fumbled around for awhile before pulling a large item from the drawer. I couldn't make out what it was, the room was dimly lit. He turned me over and lifted my backside in the air towards him. He spread my cheeks apart, and pushed four of his large fingers into my tight, unprepared hole without warning.

"AHHH! S-STOP! IT HURTS!" I screeched in indescribable, agonizing pain.

"I know… that's the point. Oh, but don't worry there is so much more to come." Mori took the unidentified item and aimed it at my hole, he then shoved it all the way inside me with in one rough stroke. The item hit places inside of me that have never been touched before, it stretched me to the point of where it was near unbearable. Before I had a chance to adjust the item was pulled out and, thrust back in just as hard if not rougher. I didn't scream, I couldn't, it hurt so bad. By the sixth time he slammed the item into me, I became numb to the sensation. I think he noticed this, because he went back to the nightstand and pulled another item out before making his way back to his bed.

"Not enough for you? Come on baby, scream for me. Well 'here' there is plenty more." He accented the word 'here' by thrusting another object alongside the other that was already buried deep inside me.

I gritted my teeth and let out an earsplitting, tortured shriek. I felt a warm liquid trail down my legs. Is that blood?

"Mori… please your…your h-hurting me." I managed to whimper, I felt light-headed I was losing a lot of blood.

"Beg me to stop…" Mori pushed the objects even further inside of me, I struggled underneath of him. Mori grunted in frustration, and slapped me across the face with all the strength he had.

"Stop struggling! Take it, your mine!" He yelled.

I was scared for my life at that moment, I seriously thought he was going to kill me. Mori kneeled in front of me and brought my face to his crotch.

"Open your mouth."

I screwed my lips tightly closed, I didn't want him in my mouth. I was already having trouble breathing.

Mori punishing slapped one of the fleshy globes of my arse, before pinching one of my nipples. "It would be in your best interest to avoid defying me."

I nodded and opened my lips, without hesitation Mori pushed himself in and slid forward until the tip of his cock rested at the back of my throat. I gagged and tried to spit him out. He only rested both of his muscular hands on either side of my head and pushed further into my throat. I sucked and hummed around his member, trying to get him off as quickly as possible. I felt him tense up a bit and he pulled out of my mouth. He then removed the items from my invaded opening and lined himself up to it. He pushed forward and moaned out when his member was fully sheathed inside of my warmth. My eyes began to flutter closed, it was just too much. I looked out the window to see the gray, washed out world outside that the rain had created before I let the darkness overtake me.

_I sat out side in the pouring rain, I was crying. I looked around and saw nothing but darkness and the gray sky that loomed overhead. The rain was relentless, I tried to escape but I had no refuge. I was left there to drown in the rain, as well as my own sorrows. I had nearly given up hope when a vaguely familiar person made there way towards me and held out an umbrella for me. I couldn't make out his face, but I could tell by the warmth he generated that it was Hikaru. I nestled close to him under the umbrella that we shared. We walked hand-in-hand out of the storm, and into our own little world. Just the two of us._

**Did you like this chapter? It was based off a song I really like called Rain by SID. A lot of the lyrics to the song are in this chapter. Anyway, I want to clarify something. At the end Kaoru was dreaming. I just wanted to make sure that was understood because I felt that that might have been a bit confusing. Reviews are welcomed and encouraged, that's was like one of the saddest scenes I have ever written, and I'm also new to the forced/rough lemon writing too. Please, I would love to hear what you think! See you soon!**

**~Kousei**


	9. Extra! The Little Devils' First Time

**Hey everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! You guys are too kind, over 100 reviews, for me? I never thought I'd see the day… Thank you! Thank you all so very much for adding this to your favorites, reviewing, and subscribing to story alerts! Receiving your praise is a real confidence boost for me! I could just hug you all! *Grabs computer monitor and squeezes* I'm in a good mood, so I'll try to make this chappie fluffy, cheery, and happy! Thanks again! ^W^**

**Anyway, remember last chapter when Hikaru said that him and Kaoru made love for the first time when they were just 13? Well I sure do, so I thought it would be nice to get away from the depression with this light and fluffy flashback! I'll put it in third person so that you can know both of the devilish Hitachiin's feelings for two times the smutty, lemony fun! Doesn't that sound like fun? :D **

**Happy Reading! :D ^W^ :3 (Haha I'm in a good mood, just look at all those smileys!) **

**I'm Not Him **

**Chapter 9: Extra! The Little Devils' First Time**

"Mother we are finished eating, may we be excused?" Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin questioned in perfect sync with each other, as usual.

"But my dears, wouldn't you like any dessert? We have cakes imported from Sweden, and these tarts are simply-" Yuzuha began to cut a piece of cake for her darling boys, before Hikaru interrupted her impatiently.

"No thanks mother, we're both fine." Kaoru looked a little disappointed with his brothers response, that strawberry and pineapple upside down smelled heavenly. He was about to object when suddenly Hikaru grabbed his forearm roughly. Hikaru shot up from the large dining table, bringing Kaoru up as well. Hikaru swiftly brought his little brother up the stairs, they almost tripped and broke their necks in the process. Kaoru looked at his twin with an confused gaze, what was Hikaru so eager about?

"Hika, um why are you running so fast? All we have to do is take our bath and go to sleep. Are you sleepy? Do you want to get to bed fast?" Kaoru asked while he was being yanked into the bathroom.

"I want to play a game with you." The older Hitachiin smirked at the younger, only making the already confused Kaoru even more unsure of what was going on. Hikaru closed and locked the bathroom door and made his way to the large tub. The warm, sweet-smelling steam rose from the bath the maids had drawn just earlier on, and seemed to pull them towards the water. Kaoru began to pull his shirt over his head, but Hikaru placed his hands over top of Kaoru's, stopping him. Kaoru looked up at him questionably, his amber eyes wavering with uncertainty.

"Um… Hika I… I d-don't understand…"

"Tonight let me undress you, Kao." Scarlet found its way to Kaoru's cheeks. He nodded and Hikaru came behind him and wrapped his arms around Kaoru's slim waist before grasping the soft, cotton fabric of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Hikaru examined his brother exposed upper body, he ran his hand over his little brothers flat stomach, and chest. When Hikaru found one of his nipples he pinched it teasingly, before rolling the hardening, pink nub between his thumb and index finger. Kaoru jumped and tensed up a bit from the newfound, unfamiliar sensation, but then he relaxed and let the waves of pleasure crash over his small, 13-year old, frame. Soon his other nipple was given the same treatment, and Kaoru threw his head back and mewled out Hikaru's name. Hikaru smiled proudly, he found it a big accomplishment to be able to make his little brother moan and call out his name in such a sexy way. Kaoru's face climbed three whole shades up red color scale, and he covered his mouth with both of his hands and looked away at his brother, unbelievably embarrassed. Had he really just made those sappy, little love noises?

"Haha Kao! Your really into this aren't you?" Hikaru snickered in a teasing manner. "It's O.K. Kao, I want to hear your beautiful voice, it makes you even more cute!" Hikaru wrapped his slender fingers around his little brothers trembling wrists and gently pulled them away from his mouth, exposing his soft, supple lips, the same lips he has been dying to taste for five years now. Now was Hikaru's chance, but even though Hikaru had waited and dreamed of this moment for so long he was oddly hesitant. How would Kaoru take it? Hikaru knew this wasn't normal, even sinful to love your own brother this way. What would his family, his friends, even society think when they found out about this? Would he be in trouble? Would he get Kaoru into trouble as well? Would they be shunned? How could he put his baby brother through something like that? So right then and there Hikaru decided that this was going to be a one time thing, just to calm his desires. After tonight he would let his unnatural longing, love, and desire for Kaoru go, he had to.

Kaoru could tell by his brother's hesitation that something was wrong, he wanted to let his brother know that he wanted this just as much has he did, maybe even more. "Umm… Hika, it's alright. Y-you can go ahead." Kaoru reassured his twin in a shaky voice. Hikaru smiled, His little brother was oh, so amazingly adorable in his eyes.

"As you wish dear brother." Hikaru ran his finger over his brothers slightly parted lips, they were softer and smoother than he had imagined.

Kaoru giggled, a pink blush tinted his cheeks. "Tee hee, your tickling me brother!" Kaoru flailed his arms in amusement, and smiled up lovingly at his big brother. "I love you Hikaru."

That was it, Kaoru was too freaking cute for Hikaru to bare. He couldn't hold back anymore, he brought his lips closer, and closer to Kaoru's until the space between them was nonexistent. Hikaru rested his hand in the soft spikes of Kaoru's hair and ran his fingers through the silky strands. Kaoru's amber eyes fluttered closed and he opened his mouth to let Hikaru's tongue explore the newly found realm of his baby brothers mouth. The twin's tongues began battling it out, both trying to establish dominance over the other, as well as earn the title of seme. Hikaru won hands down. He drew his tongue from his brother's mouth, a glistening strand of saliva broke in between them. Hikaru smirked at Kaoru seductively, now they both knew that Kaoru would be the submissive uke.

Hikaru's hands traveled southwards until he reached the waistline of Kaoru's black jeans. With slow, delicate movements Hikaru hooked his thumbs under waistline of his boxers pulling his pants down his smooth, slightly shaking legs as well. Hikaru's hands found Kaoru's backside, he gently ran his hand over a fleshy mound and squeezed gently and lightly. Kaoru moaned and pushed his arse harder into his brothers hand, wanting so much more from him.

"H-Hikaaruuu… It feels good, d-down in front. P-please, touch me there…" Kaoru moaned out while clinging to his brother, he grinded his erection into Hikaru's leg.

Hikaru chuckled and sat Kaoru on the edge of the tub, he ran his hands all over Kaoru's inner thighs. His hands inched dangerously close to his brother's hard-on. Hikaru was about place his hand on Kaoru's pulsing, blood engorged member. His hand hovered over the tip and he lightly brushed against the head with the pads of his fingers. Kaoru held his breath in aroused anticipation. Hikaru smirked devilishly and drew his hand away, earning a frustrated, desperate whimper from Kaoru.

"Please Hikaru! Uggh…ahh I need you!" Kaoru bucked his hips, trying to show his big brother the severity of the situation. "It's your fault I'm like this!" Kaoru whined.

"I'll take care of you soon enough, Kao." Hikaru stripped down and took Kaoru's hands in his own and pulled his baby brother into the warm bath water. Even though the tub was fairly large, much larger than ten tubs a family of the middle class would own, the twins didn't spread out in the grand space. Instead they stayed close to one another, exploring each others bodies for the first time. Yes, of course the twins have touched each other before when they would playfully wrestle or when they would hold each other close in an act of comfort after a bad day, but these feelings and touches were different. They were heated, and passionate and made the twins feel out of control, and they needed so much more. Hikaru grabbed a washcloth from the ledge of the tub and brought it to Kaoru's back and rubbed in tiny circles.

"Hikaru, I can wash by myself! I don't need you to…ahh" Kaoru was cut off mid sentence when Hikaru reached around Kaoru's chest and pinched a sensitive nipple before rubbing it with the washcloth.

"It's O.K., really it is Kao, let big brother make you feel good." Hikaru positioned himself behind his brother so both of his legs rested on either side of him, Kaoru leaned back into Hikaru's chest in silent permission for him to continue. Hikaru's hands moved lower and he began to wash around Kaoru's belly button, he stuck his washcloth covered finger in his navel, causing Kaoru to giggle for the second time that night.

"Hikaru… Haha cut it out! It tickles!" Kaoru had scrunched up his torso a bit trying to prevent him from continuing the ticklish movements, but Hikaru couldn't help himself! He showed Kaoru no mercy and launched a full scale tickle attack! His fingers lightly yet rapidly danced across Kaoru's highly sensitive, light skin. Kaoru squiggled and squirmed, trying to worm his way from his brothers loving embrace but to no avail.

"Kaoru… I lov-…" Hikaru stopped himself, he couldn't say it, he wouldn't allow himself to say it. This was just going to be a one night thing right? He couldn't afford to become romantically attached to his little brother, it would only hurt both of them in the long run.

Kaoru looked up at his brother questionably. "Hikaru? You can go ahead and say it, 'cause I feel the same way. I love you Hikaru." He didn't answer he just smiled at Kaoru and continued to wash lower. Soon the washcloth made contact with Kaoru's manhood- err… um or should I say boyhood. Hikaru cupped it with his washcloth covered hand and stroked gently, causing Kaoru to gasp in surprised pleasure. Hikaru's strokes began to gain more of a purpose as he began to pick up the speed of his strokes and soon Kaoru's modest length stood at attention. When Kaoru first saw his hardened member his eyes widened in bewilderment, he had never seen himself like this before, he was shocked.

"Hika! Look at that, it got bigger!" Kaoru dipped his hand under the water and wrapped his fingers around himself and moaned when he made contact with the sensitive, knob-like end of his penis, his golden eyes widened. "It's not squishy anymore either! It's rough like a rock, but oddly soft too!" Kaoru noticed his twin's disinterested attitude and wondered why his big brother wasn't as shocked and excited as he was. "Hikaru, isn't this cool?"

"Hmm… Oh yeah I guess… At first it was exciting and new for me." Hikaru shrugged nonchalantly.

"At first?" Kaoru questioned, he turned around to face his brother.

"Yeah, this has been happening to me for awhile now. Whenever I think of you, mine does the same thing." Hikaru began to wash himself, as a deep blush spread across Kaoru's cheeks.

Hikaru began to rinse the soap from his own, and Kaoru's bodies. "Are you ready to go to bed now, Kao?"

"No!" Kaoru hurriedly exclaimed. "I want to play with you more!"

Hikaru chuckled and kissed his brothers forehead lovingly. "We can sneak into our bed naked, and play even more there." Kaoru blushed and simply nodded. The two got out from the bath before Hikaru drained the water from the tub. They both grabbed a white, plushy, sweet smelling towel from the rack and began to dry themselves off. Once they deemed themselves dry enough, they grabbed one of the larger towels and wrapped it around both of their bodies before they hurriedly rushed across the corridor to their room. Once inside Hikaru locked the door and let the towel that was hiding his brother's body drop to the floor. The only light in the room was the dull light from the moon shining through the open window, the silver moonlight accented Kaoru's pale skin and made him seem as if he was glowing.

"Kao, your beautiful…" Hikaru pushed his twin onto the bed and pressed a kiss to his unprepared lips. Reluctantly, Hikaru pulled away. Kaoru whimpered in protest, and tried to pull his brother back down.

"Whoa, take it easy there Kao! I want to try something with you." Hikaru teased. He then moved down lower and kissed the tip of his brothers hardened member and blew on it, Kaoru lost control he shouted out his brothers name and bucked his hips up off the bed. Hikaru took the whole shaft into his mouth and experimentally hummed around it, Kaoru thrashed underneath of him and whimpered. Hikaru's eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Hikaru released Kaoru's member with a soft, wet pop. "What's wrong does it hurt?" He asked frantically.

Kaoru shook his head with his eyes tightly screwed shut. "No Hika, your making me feel so good, Onegai…" Hikaru went back down on his brother, he relaxed the muscles in the back of his throat and attempted to swallow his brother whole, but he only succeeded in choking himself. Kaoru felt guilty, he was causing his brother pain while he received all the pleasure. Hikaru gagged again, but continued to bob up and down on his brothers shaft. Kaoru didn't last much longer, he shot his first load into his brother's mouth. Hikaru pulled away and wiped some of the cum from his chin and sniffed at it curiously and licked it from his fingers, he then made a content 'mmm' sound.

"Eww you hentai! Don't lick it!" Kaoru scolded half-heartedly.

"I can't help it Kao! You taste so yummy!" Kaoru scrunched up his nose and Hikaru presented two of his fingers to Kaoru and he looked at him in confusion.

"Hika?"

"Umm… I need you to use your mouth to make my fingerers wet." Kaoru was confused but he trusted his brother. He opened his mouth, allowing his brothers fingers to slide in. He bobbed his head and hummed around them much like Hikaru had just done to him a few moments ago, Kaoru was a fast learner. Hikaru withdrew his fingers and had lifted Kaoru's legs over his shoulders before nudging Kaoru's virgin hole with his slick index and middle fingers. Ever so gently, Hikaru slid one of his fingers inside, and studied Kaoru's face for any sign of pain. Kaoru only gasped and wiggled his bottom against Hikaru's foreign finger which penetrated him. Hikaru slowly pushed his finger in and out of Kaoru's incredibly tight hole before slipping in the other and scissoring very gently, as to not hurt his little brother. Hikaru accidentally pushed his fingers in a bad angle and scrapped the sensitive walls inside of Kaoru. He let out a pained yelp and Hikaru quickly pulled his fingers out of his baby brother, panicked.

"Ouch! Hika… I don't think I want to play this anymore, it hurts." Kaoru whined, as Hikaru apologetically kneaded the flesh of his backside.

"Don't worry Kao, I'll be easy with you okay… trust me." Hikaru then positioned his weeping erection up to Kaoru's prepared hole and slowly leaned into his brother. Once fully inside of his warmth Hikaru paused for a moment to allow the younger time to adjust. "Kaoru… ahhh tell me when I can move." Hikaru whispered before he leaned down to place a small kiss to his cheek.

Kaoru squirmed before nodding to Hikaru. He pulled out slowly and pushed back in, he felt Kaoru's tight ring of muscle tear a little so he stopped his thrusts for a moment.

"You alright Kaoru?" Hikaru asked in concern.

Kaoru nodded and Hikaru continued to move in and out of him, gradually gaining speed. Hikaru felt the pit of his stomach begin to bubble, he wouldn't be able to last much longer, with one last quick jab he came within his brother coating his insides with his liquid love. He pulled out his softening member gently. Hikaru collapsed on the bed beside Kaoru to catch his breath.

"Did that feel good to you Kao?" Hikaru questioned, he hadn't heard his brother moan or anything while he was inside him.

"No, it hurt more than anything, but don't worry. It will get better the more times we do it." Hikaru raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"If I hurt you, why would you want to do this with me again?" Hikaru questioned with a confused tone.

Kaoru straddled his brothers hips and leaned down to trap his big brothers lips in a chaste kiss.

"Silly Hikaru, I'd do it with you one hundred times if I had to!"

"But why?"

Kaoru smiled and rested his head on Hikaru's chest and listened to the soft, repetitive th-thump of his love's heartbeat. "Because I love you."

All of a sudden Hikaru forgot, he forgot it was wrong to love his brother this way. He wasn't worried about his family, friends, or society would think about the special relationship he shared with his brother. All that mattered was his Kaoru, the one that he loved. Hikaru didn't need anybody or anything else to make him happy, if Kaoru was beside him that was all he needed. Right then and there Hikaru decided that he wanted to be with his brother forever and always, and he would never, ever let anyone hurt his darling baby brother. They would never be apart, he would make sure they held on to each other and never let go. He was even willing to give his own life for his brother. Hikaru wanted to tell all of this to his brother at that exact moment, but he would have to wait another day because Kaoru had fell asleep right there on his chest. Hikaru ran his fingers through his baby brothers orange hair and listened to the sound of his unlabored breathing.

"I love you too, Kaoru.

~End Flash Back~

**Yay! How cute, I just love brotherly love! Don't you? Anyway, I wanted to add that chapter in just so you could see how emotionally connected the twins are. I made the sex a little shaky and made sure Hikaru didn't find Kao's sweet spot because I wanted to give the lemon an inexperienced/real feel to it. I am sorry to say, but next chapter is going to be depressing again. D: Sorry, but we have got to get back on track. If you guys like extra special fluffy chapters like this, please leave a review saying so and I'll write another one on a later date! Oh, and I want to thank FanInNeed for your suggestions, I want you to know that I have got an idea for an ending, but I liked all of your suggestions and I'm glad you like my story! :D See you all soon!**

~**Kousei**


	10. I Don't Want to Forget You

**Hey everyone! Guess who? Correct! It is Ichigo Kousei! And guess what I've brought for you, the 10****th**** chapter of I'm Not Him! As I said before this chapter will be depressing… TT^TT Oh, and guess what, I actually sat down and thought about where I'm going this teehee and I think I got a decent plot going… anyway we'll see ne? Ah, and before I forget, in this chapter and future chapters I will jump point of views from Hikaru to Kaoru and sometimes maybe other characters… I hope that's alright with everyone. **

**Enjoy!**

**I'm Not Him Chapter 10: I Don't Want to Forget You **

***Kaoru's P.O.V.* **

I stirred a bit in under the covers. I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings; I didn't see much the room was dark, I just saw the alarm clock on the nightstand. I read the vibrant, red, glowing numbers. '2:27 A.M. Saturday' it had only been a few hours, but it felt like I had been away from Hikaru for years on end. I sat just and listened to Mori's unlabored breathing, when he was asleep he didn't look like the monster I knew he was. No, when Mori was asleep he was the gentle, quiet, wild type giant I first met. Before, he used to be a close, loving friend to Hikaru and I. So, the fact that he would do something like to me was near impossible to believe. I was uncomfortable; Mori had been rough with me and everywhere hurt. I had love marks and bruises all over my body. I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't move due to the excruciating pain in my backside. I thought maybe I could shake Mori awake and get him to help me up, but I decided against it. If he was anything like Hunny, he won't be the friendliest when awakened and he would probably punish me, so I decided against it. I would just have to hold it until my rearend healed properly.

I can't believe what happened yesterday, I kissed Senpai in front big brother. I probably crushed him… how could I do that to him? Hikaru has been nothing but loving towards me my whole entire life, and I do something like this to him. I deserve everything that has happened to me, and what is to come as well. I told him to forget me, but all I want is for him to come and rescue me from this hell. I want Hika to hold me, and kiss me and whisper 'I Love You' and 'It's all going to be alright' into my ear, but I know that isn't going to happen. He has already probably forgotten about me, and I should forget about him as well. I should accept my fate with Takashi Morinozuka, but I can't stop my soul from longing for Hikaru's love. I want, no I need to forget, but I don't want to.

All I can do is remember…

***Hikaru's P.O.V.***

I'm so tired, I can't sleep without my little brother beside me. I can't believe Kaoru picked Mori-Senpai over me. I'm so confused, I thought he loved me.

Maybe I should of seen it coming, I mean Kaoru has been acting strange lately. He has been really distant I was more than a bit concerned, but I just assumed he had a lot on his mind. I tried to ask him about it but he would just answer with an 'I'm fine' or 'It's nothing, Hika'. I want to go get my little brother, but I need to move on. He isn't in love with me anymore, his heart belongs to Mori now. I'm sure I'll be able to find someone else, I kinda have a crush on Nekozawa… oh who am I kidding, I need Kao. I should go get him, but he wouldn't let me in. He doesn't want me anymore.

_'The world always changes around us, but weakness will always remain, _

_through all the pain!_

_Believe in who we are right here and now._

_Raise one hand to the sky…'_

The silence in my room was finally broken by the familiar sound of my cell phone's ringtone. I looked at the lighted screen, Hunny-Senpai's name showed up. What does he want at this hour?

"Hello?"

"_Hi-Hika-Chan!"_ Hunny's voice was shaking as if he was crying hysterically.

"Hunny-Senpai, calm down… tell me what's wrong." I used a calm voice hoping he would pick up on my tone and relax as well.

"_I'm so selfish… all…all of this is my fault! I should of- I should of said something sooner!" _

"Hunny, I'm sure it isn't that bad… just get some rest… we'll talk in the morning."

"_No! Please listen to me! It's about Kao-Chan!" _

"What? What's wrong with my baby brother?" I asked panicked, if anything ever happened to him I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

"_Kao-Chan's hurting, Ta-Takashi has been hurting him! I'm so… sorry, I wanted to say something… but I was so scared."_

"What! Are you sure? Is he alright? Dammit! Hunny why the fuck didn't you say anything?" I screamed in a fit of extreme rage.

"_Takashi… Takashi touched Kao-Chan, when he didn't want to be touched!" _

"What! Like he raped my little brother! Bastard I'll kill him!"

"_No! Don't hurt Takashi! He didn't mean to hurt him, I'm sure of it! Please don't take him away from me!" _Hunny begged frantically, scared to death to lose his Taka-Chan.

"And what makes you so sure?"

"_Because I know Takashi, he wouldn't do something like this on purpose! He loves me and… I-love him. Just please…" _Hunny began to sniffle.

"We will see…" and with that I hung up and dialed Mori-Senpai's number, desperate for answers.

I had to save my little brother… I wouldn't allow myself to forget.

***Kaoru's P.O.V.***

'_Tanken minna to issho! Takarabako sagashite!_

_Wakuwaku suru you na yume no shima e_

_Tanken itsudatte issho! Dakara daijoubu sa!_

_Ukiuki suru you na tabi ni deyou!_

_Dokidoki!_

_Tanken Usachan to issho! Takarabako sagashite!_

_Wakuwaku suru you na yume no shima e_

_Tanken Takashi mo issho! Dakara daijoubu sa!_

_Ukiuki suru you na tabi ni deyou!_

_Dokidoki!'_

Mori's cell phone went off, I was kinda shocked by the cute ringtone but shrugged it off. He stirred a bit before he grabbed the device without reading the lighted screen.

"Hello? Oi, Hikaru what do you want?" My heart stopped, Hikaru? What was he doing calling this late? Had he found out? Oh, no…. "It's late... I don't know what your… Kaoru? We broke up, when we left the music room he ended it, I don't know where he is now." I wanted to scream 'Hika! I'm right here!' but my voice wouldn't work, I was frozen. I heard Hikaru scream something on the other line but he snapped the phone shut. Mori got up from the bed and grabbed a small pill case and made his way back towards me.

"We need to leave, there coming for us. Here swallow this." He held out his palm and a small pill lay in the center.

"No! Hikaru is going to save me!" I tightly shut my mouth, but Mori put his hand over my nose. I needed air, I opened my mouth gasping for breath and Mori took the opportunity to force the pill into the back of my throat. He lifted me over his shoulder and carried me out side and threw me into a car. I began to black out.

Where is he taking me? I shut my eyes… Hikaru, please save me.

**Oh, um I really don't know when I'll update again. My parents put parental controls on my computer, and I can't get on fanfiction, right now I'm using my mommies laptop. We are traveling I'm in New York right now and she said I can play on her computer but she doesn't know what I'm doing. Anyway, review and I'll figure something out! Did you reconize the ringtones? I know you got Kaoru's but Mori's was doki doki waku waku, Hunny's song on the Ouran soundtrack. If you don't know it youtube it! It's really cute! ^W^ I promise I'll be back with more! See you soon! **

**~Kousei**


	11. Imprisioned

**Hello! Ichigo Kousei Here! I'm back for a bit 'cause my mom was kind enough to let me use her computer so yeah. XD so let's get back to the madness shall we? Oh, I didn't have time to proof read it sorry!**

**Chapter 11: Imprisoned **

***Kaoru's P.O.V***

I opened my eyes and I quickly jolted up because of my unfamiliar surroundings. Where was I? I was on a small cot, and the frame was hard and pressed up against my backside, which was still excruciatingly sore and raw by the way. The room was cold, glacial to be exact. There was a dim light that gave off a flickering, orange glow in the corner of the room. The floors were cement, the walls were cement basically everything was cement. As my eyes roamed around the room one last time, I realized there was a bolted, steal door constructed right in the middle of the rough, colorless wall. I got up and limped towards the door, about halfway there I collapsed and skinned my knee in the process. I guess the drug Mori slipped me hadn't completely exited my system. The crimson liquid from under my skin poured from the fresh wound, it stung and I needed something to stop the bleeding. I looked around but there was virtually nothing in the room, so I just got up and prayed that I wouldn't get an infection from not cleaning the small cut with peroxide. When I got to the door I tried the most obvious thing and turned the handle, but it was locked and I wasn't surprised. What kind of kidnapper would leave their victim in an unlocked vicinity? Next, I pounded and kicked at the door, maybe if someone heard me they would let me out. Maybe I could return to Hikaru, maybe I would be able to feel his warm arms around me, seemingly protecting me from any and every evil thing that could be found in this world. Maybe I would be able to hear his loving voice, the voice that would comfort me whenever I was sad and whisper I was beautiful whenever I was so sure and confident that I was the most ugly, unattractive person in the world.

"Hey! Is anyone out there? Please! Help me!" I shouted desperate to break free from my prison. I kept that up for a good eight minutes until I was sure no one was going to come to my aid. I was crushed, my dreams of returning to Hikaru were diminished. I limped back to my cot and threw myself down. I grabbed a tattered pillow and threw it across the room in frustration. I was surprised to find a folded piece of paper lying where the pillow once was. My name was written in blue ink on the front of the note.

_Kaoru, I'll be back in a while to bring you something to eat. I don't want to, but the last thing I need is to go jail for the rest of my life for killing you. Believe me, you're seriously not worth it. You're nothing, do you understand me? You are not a damn thing, wait I take that back. You are mine, and mine alone. So I guess that does make you something. I will use you whenever I want, oh and forget about Hikaru, you won't be seeing him ever again. I'll make sure of that. Go ahead and scream all you want, no one will ever hear you. From today on I am the only face you'll ever see, so you better learn to love me. If you behave yourself I won't have to punish you. Got it?_

I fell to the floor and cried my amber eyes out, I had finally realized the severity of the situation. I had no idea where I was, I had no food or water, I was lonely and scared, and to top it all off Takashi Morinozuka was crazy! He could come back at any minute, and I wondered what spirits he would be in. I certainly hoped he wouldn't be angry and horny, that would only make things so much more strenuous for me. Oh god, I forgot about Hikaru! He would probably kill himself looking for me, so I had to escape for my big brother Hika. But at that moment I was tremendously heavy-eyed. I picked up my pillow and snuggled it to my chest, in a failed effort to replace Hikaru. I was freezing and my thin frame trembled terribly, I really needed a blanket. No, what I really needed was Hikaru's warmth beside me.

***The Next Day Hikaru's P.O.V***

"Okay everyone, thank you all for helping me find Kao. According to Mori-Senpai he has run away." I stood in front of almost half of the Ouran student body, mostly Kaoru's fan girls, in front of the academy. Even though Mori told me that Hikaru had left on his own free will I couldn't help but be inquisitive. I mean could anyone blame me after what Hunny-Senpai told me, why would he make something like that up? The first place we decided to search was Ouran high, I knew sometimes Kao would go into the maze to think, or clear his mind. Maybe I would find him there asleep and dreaming of me, curled up in a little ball. Maybe I could wrap my arms around him and take him back home. Maybe he would cry in my arms and his tears would stain my shirt, but I wouldn't mind. I would run my fingers through his now blonde spikes and whisper the sweetest little nothings into his ear as he let out all of the distress, resentment, fear, and pure depression.

"I have my own Ootori private police force searching outside of the academy, so all we have to worry about is searching the school grounds. I think the best thing to do in this situation is break off into groups of three." Kyouya stood in front of everyone and announced in his usual calm, cool and collected voice. Even though he put on the cool guy act, I could tell he wanted Kaoru home safe with his friends and family. I was grateful for his assistance, he really didn't have to deploy his private police force the way he did. I had told my mother about Kaoru's disappearance, but she was in France directing a fashion show for her new spring collection. Figures, she had left Kao and I alone our whole lives. I don't know why I expected her to be a little more concerned for her own child, I guess work comes before family for her.

"Right!" Tamaki-Senpai sounded. "I'll go with Kyouya and Haruhi! Hunny and Mori-Senpai and Hikaru, you three go together. Everybody else, decide amongst yourselves who your groups will be. Let's bring my son home safely!"

"Hey guys, I want to search in and around the outdoor maze first. Kao likes to go there to think sometimes, maybe he is there." I looked down and my eyes watered, tears threatened to fall from my amber orbs.

"Don't worry Hika-Chan! We will find Kao-Chan and bring him home safe. Please don't look so sad." Hunny sniffled and hugged Usa-Chan to his chest. Mori nodded in response.

"I miss him too." Mori-Senpai added in response. I stopped dead in my tracks. Hunny and Mori both shot me a confused glance.

"Ummm… Hunny-Senpai could you go on ahead, I want to talk to Mori-Senpai alone."

"Sure." Hunny walked ahead of us in the direction of the maze. It kinda looked like he limped a little or was that just me?

"Senpai…" I began when I was sure Hunny was out of earshot.

"Hm." Mori answered unhurriedly and somewhat uninterestedly.

"Please…" I paused to take a deep breath. "If you know anything about my little brother, if you hurt him…"

"Hikaru, I assure you I did nothing to hurt Kaoru. I have been in love with him ever since the first moment I met him. But I have only recently made my feelings known. You should have seen how happy he was when I confessed my love, he told me he has always felt the same way. He was overjoyed."

"But what Hunny-Senpai said…"

"Was a lie…" Mori had cut me off. "He was jealous because I haven't been spending the same amount of time with him since Kao and I started dating. But I try to make time whenever I can, I don't want to see Mitsukuni unhappy."

"Oh…" I guess I had no choice but to believe Mori. I didn't want to believe it, but Kaoru was in love with someone else. I can't say that I blame him, I mean I'm his own brother. It's sick and wrong for us to be together. I will just have to learn to accept my baby brothers and Mori-Senpai's new found love. No matter what path Kaoru takes, I will always love him.

"Mitsukuni! Wait up!" Mori called out to Hunny, he stopped and we ran up to him. Mori-Senpai picked him up from under his arms, but Hunny unexpectedly squealed and violently kicked his legs. He was desperate to free himself for Mori's grasp.

"Ow! Takashi! You're hurting me! Please!" Mori's eyes went wide with horror and he quickly put the brown eyed boy down.

"Mitsukuni whats wrong? Are you hurting somewhere?" Mori's voice was laced with panic, he was worried he had hurt his little, best friend.

"N-no I'm fine…I just don't want to be held right now." Hunny's eyes were filled to the brim with tears, some of them began to pour down his flushed cheeks.

"Mitsukuni? Tell me what's wrong?" Mori got onto his knees and took Usa-Chan from Hunny and handed him to me.

"I fell down the stairs yesterday." Hunny avoided eye contact with Mori.

"Don't lie to me Mitsukuni… Please tell me." Mori grabbed Hunny and pulled him into a loving, protective hug.

Hunny gave me an apologetic look. "I let him beat on me, I didn't fight back… I deserve it. I let him do it."

Mori quickly unbuttoned Hunny's shirt and pulled it from his small, trembling frame. Purple blotches outlined with black decorated every inch of his smooth, childlike body. He also had fresh cuts on his wrists, not to mention the ones that had scabbed over.

"Who did this to you? Mitsukuni! Answer me…" Mori was desperate for answers, I knew when he found out who hurt his Mitsukuni he would rip their throat out.

"I'm so sorry Hika-Chan, this is all my fault. If I just would have said something sooner…"

"Oh, god! Mitsukuni have you been cutting yourself?" Mori questioned frantically when he caught sight of the oozing silts that adorned each of his forearms. "I Promise I will stay by your side until you fully recover, I don't care how long it takes. You are my main priority. Forget about trying to find Kaoru today, we have to get you home. Believe me, I will find out who did this to you!" I could tell Hunny wanted to protest, but he nodded in silent agreement. Mori grabbed Usa-Chan from me, and he hurriedly walked away with Hunny in his arms.

I watched as Hunny and Mori-Senpai walked away, leaving me to find my little brother alone without help. Finally the two were out of sight.

***Two Days Later Kaoru's P.O.V***

I was losing my mind, I have been in solitude for… I don't even know how long it's been. I miss the sunshine, I haven't bathed in a while either. It wasn't that much of a problem though, I didn't sweat because it was so cold, so I didn't smell bad or anything. I was really hungry, Mori had never come back to feed me. I was terrified, is Mori trying to kill me? My knuckles were raw from punching the wall in frustration. I wanted Hikaru more than anything. I wondered if Mori was ever going to let me out. But my greatest wish was to see Hikaru's smiling face before I died.

**Yay! I updated, told you I'd find a way! Hello? I wonder if anyone is even still reading this after I took so long to update. Thank you for the lovely reviews! I will try to update as soon as I can. I triple dog dare you to review! Haha it will only take 2 seconds! See you soon!**

**~Kousei**


	12. This Isn't Him, This Isn't You

**Hi Everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! I hope I didn't make you wait too long, but I'm here to update! *Does the happy update dance* Anyway, here is the 12th**** chapter of I'm Not Him! I'm going to put it in third person, I hope that's okay with everyone! Please enjoy! **

**I'm Not Him**

**Chapter 12: This Isn't Him, This Isn't You**

Mori opened the door to Hunny's room, and set the small teen on his soft, plush bedspread before closing the door. Hunny was in nothing but a pair of pink briefs and he had a towel wrapped around his dripping, blonde hair. Mori had just given him a bath, he was very gentle with scrubbing his bruised skin of course. He felt that a nice, long soak in the warm waters would be the best thing to ease his little Mitsukuni's aches and pains. Mori took the towel and began to ruffle his blonde curls dry, Hunny sniffled and Mori abruptly ceased all his motions and tilted Hunny's chin up to stare into his deep, chocolate eyes.

"Mitsukuni… I'm so sorry." Mori hugged Hunny tightly forgetting about his beaten and battered body, well that is until Hunny let out a pained yelp. Mori released the boy straightaway and looked down, ashamed of his actions. "I'm just so sorry… there's no excuse for what I've done."

"But… but Takashi didn't do this to me… Takashi isn't the one who beat me. It was… I-it was…" Hunny began to cry and he collapsed onto Mori's clothed chest. Mori desperately wanted to wrap his arms around him, but he couldn't even do that. It tore him apart to see his Mitsukuni in so much pain, especially since he was one who inflicted said pain, even if it was indirectly.

"But I did do this to you. I was trying to protect you from something, so I hurt someone else to spare you. But now… but now I don't even know if I did the right thing, because you still got hurt and I have no clue who did this to you! Please tell me who hurt you…" Mori gently caressed one of Hunny's bruised cheeks, a dark blush could be seen growing under the dark purple mark. "I need to protect you, I will never feel at ease until I know who did this to you."

"He told me not to tell or he would make sure you would be sent straight to prison. I just can't lose you Takashi! I…I" Hunny gripped onto Mori's shirt and laid his head on Mori's chest, he could here the soft, continuous beating of Mori's heart. To Hunny that was the most beautiful, calming sound in the world, he just couldn't lose the feelings of comfort, happiness, love and security that washed over him whenever Mori held him. "What were you trying to protect me from anyway Takashi?"

"Myself. I just… I just love you so much, and when I am around you I get these sick desires… I thought if I used somebody else, I wouldn't need you, but it wasn't the same. I could never replace you…"

"What do you mean Takashi?" Hunny questioned innocently. "Why do you need to protect me from your love? I want you to love me." Hunny wrapped his arms around his cousin's neck and pulled the two closer together, he then smiled up at Mori lovingly. "See? I love you so much Takashi!"

Mori shifted uncomfortably, Hunny's light touches to his skin deeply aroused him. He thought that he would be able to contain himself, but after Hunny had wrapped his cute, little arms around him he didn't know how much longer he could hold out. "Mitsukuni… h-how…" Mori paused to take a much needed breath. "How much do you love me, and in what way do you love me?" Now was Mori's chance, maybe he could finally get his feelings across to Hunny.

"I love Takashi a whole lot!" Hunny walked over to Usa-Chan and picked him up before bringing the plush toy to his chest. "I even love Takashi more than Usa-Chan!"

Mori sighed, Hunny just didn't understand, but he wouldn't leave tonight without knowing how he truly felt about him. Mori took the pink rabbit from Hunny and sat it on the bed side table before he ever so gently lifted the light teen onto the bed spread bridal style. He rested both of his large hands on either of Hunny's shoulders, and before he could move away or protest Mori pressed his lips to Hunny's soft, pink ones. The blonde boy began to struggle underneath of him and whimper in protest, but Mori was too far gone. His biggest desire was finally going to be realized and there was no way he was going to stop. Finally they broke apart, leaving poor Hunny gasping for breath. Quickly the raven-haired teen unbuttoned his own shirt and shrugged it off his shoulders. The blonde boy underneath of him struggled to free himself, but his efforts were futile. Mori was pressed up against his excruciatingly sore, tender torso. Tears gathered in the corners of his usually beaming, gleeful brown eyes.

"T-Takashi! It…it h-hurts! Please…" Hunny shot his cousin the most plea filled, heartbreaking, pitiful, watery-eyed stare he could muster. His bottom lip even quivered, but despite his actions Mori still paid the trembling boy intimate attention.

"I know it hurts, and I'm truly sorry for that… but I can make you feel so much better." Mori gently kissed one of the dark purple marks on Hunny's collarbone before tickling the sore, dark blotch by lightly tracing his tongue over the bruised skin.

Hunny mewled in fear, he had no idea what his Taka-Chan was going to do to him. He was so confused, he trusted Mori with all his heart and always believed his loyal, best friend would never do anything to harm him, be it emotionally or physically. So the last few days had been especially hard on Hunny, he didn't want to believe he did anything to hurt Kao-Chan. He wanted Mori to be all good, and pure of heart, but that's definitely not how he was behaving as of late.

"Taka…Takashi, I'm scared… What are y-you going to… d-do to me?" Hunny wrapped his arms around Mori's torso and pulled him in for a loving hug. Whenever Hunny was afraid, or worried about something he would go to his cousin for comfort, and Mori would hold him close just like this. Even though his Takashi was acting uncaring, frightening, and cold right now, he knew deep down inside the loving, protective, quiet, gentle giant was there, and would come out to rescue him soon enough.

… He never came.

Mori's hands pushed under the elastic band of Hunny's underwear and his freezing cold fingers clamped around the blonde's awakening member. Hunny's teary eyes widened as he trashed about relentlessly, determined to free himself from underneath his Takashi… no, this wasn't his Takashi. His Takashi wouldn't touch him this way if he didn't want it, His Takashi would never be this forceful. Mori pulled the pink briefs down Hunny teeny, child-like legs, and he shuddered when he had finally seen all of Hunny for the first time.

'_Absolutely beautiful… stunning. I have to make him mine.' _Mori thought to himself as he began to pump Hunny's member frantically, and at a very painful speed. Hunny whimpered a pleasure-pained cry, and clenched at his bunny bedspread until his knuckles lost their normal, pink tint. Shining beads of pre-cum immerged from the slit of the smaller teen's mushroom shaped head of his shaft, Mori promptly kissed them away before engulfing the whole tip between his lips, sucking fervently as if he was starving. Hunny lifted his hips off of the bed and cried out in surprised pleasure.

"Unngh! Takashi! I..I… don't!" Hunny searched Mori's dark eyes for any sign of his best friend, but his eyes weren't normal. They were murky pools of lust, Hunny was terrified, it was almost as if his cousin was possessed! Since this was Hunny's first time he didn't last very long and he found himself calling out to his molester in pleasure.

"S-so…Something is coming! Takashi, I'm scared!" He shouted, tears streamed down his flushed cheeks.

"Mitsukuni… Let it happen, let it come." and with one last pleasured outcry Hunny climaxed, shooting his first load deep into Mori's throat. Hunny felt empty, like a piece of him had been snatched away, a piece he wasn't ready to lose. Mori forced two of his large fingers into Hunny's small mouth, making the boy gag on the sudden intrusion. He tried to spit the fingers out, but Mori held them securely in place.

"Suck." Mori commanded in a dark, satanic voice, a voice that most definitely wasn't his own.

Hunny was in full out panic mode now. He couldn't breathe, Mori was jabbing his thick fingers in and out of his mouth, sometimes the offending fingers would slip into the back of his throat causing him to painfully gag. In an act of defense, the fragile teen bit down on the fingers with all he had, finally he released when the irony taste of blood coated his tongue. Mori quickly pulled his fingers out of the warm, wet, cavern and smacked Hunny across the face in a fit of rage.

"You little boy-cunt! I was going to gently make love to you, but that little performance right there just earned you a rough, hardcore fucking." And with that Mori pulled Hunny's trembling arse towards him and whacked the left globe punishingly, before roughly pushing his finger in the tight ring of muscle.

"Takashi…Takashi please!…onegai…" Hunny sniffled and turned his head to face him. "Please Takashi… why are yo-you doing this? What have I done wrong?" Mori stopped moving his finger inside of Hunny, and began to listen to the desperate, terrified pleas. "Takashi, I love you, but I'm not ready for this… please p-please, don't force me to do this, I'm scared Takashi, don't hurt me… I…I."

All of a sudden Mori's eyes softened, he gently cradled the petrified boy to his chest. "Oh, Mitsukuni… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to."

Hunny was so unsure, he had forgiven his cousin so many times, and time after time he just got hurt again. He had no clue what to do, should he just leave Mori? How could he just leave the one he loved? But what was best for himself? Surely it wasn't healthy to share a relationship like the one they shared, and Mori had just hurt him again, in more ways then just one.

Mori ran his hand over the red, throbbing, hand imprint he had just created on the delicate skin a few moments ago, Hunny winced in fear and pain but quickly relaxed when he realized that Mori had no intention on hurting him anymore tonight. "Hunny… I lost control, I would never hurt you, you know that right?"

"But you just did…" Those words pounded into Mori's skull, and made his heart ache. He had just hurt the one person he swore on his life to protect. How could he explain this to his best friend? What could he possibly say to make Hunny ever trust him again?

Hunny felt something wet drip onto his forehead, he looked up to see Mori crying. Mori's tears mingled with the tears already flowing from Hunny puffy, red eyes. Hunny couldn't tell which were his and which were his Takashi's, yes he could call him his Takashi again because that right there was the Takashi he knew and loved with all of his heart.

"Don't cry Takashi." Hunny brought his hand to Mori's cheek and Mori covered his hand with his own, adding slight pressure. He loved the feeling of his Mitsukuni's skin pressed up against his own. "I forgive you. I love you so much Takashi."

"Mitsukuni…" Still crying softly, Mori crept over to Hunny's clothes chest that contained his sleep attire and pulled out an oversized, button down night shirt, actually one of his own he had left over one night, he then strode back over to his trembling friend and lifted his arms so they would go inside of green night shirt. With trembling fingers, Mori buttoned the loose garment all the way up, hiding his beaten body from the rest of the world. Mori then lifted the covers and placed the boy under them, tucking him in. He grabbed Usa-Chan from off of the floor, and placed him under the covers as well. Hunny wrapped his arms around the plush toy and snuggled close to it, he felt so safe tucked into his bed with his best friend Takashi watching over him. Mori kissed the young boys tears away, and Hunny did the same for him. "Sweet dreams Mitsukuni." Mori put his own shirt back on and paced towards the door.

"Takashi, please don't leave me…" But Mori was already gone.

***Sometime Later Kaoru's .***

I was sitting on my cot, hanging to dear life as I knew it. I was so light headed, so when I saw the steel door to my prison cell open, I thought I was hallucinating.

"Hikaru is that you?" I asked, I was completely out of it, the world was spinning around me.

A dark chuckle echoed eerily of the walls of my cell. "Guess again."

Finally, I came to my senses. It was him….

**TT^TT I am so, so, so, so sorry you had to read that! I didn't mean to hurt Hunny! DX ( Evil Mori must be rubbing off on me, I'm using the same excuses.) Next chapter we will see more of Kao-Chan, I hope he is still hanging in there! Thank-You for your reviews too! I wanna write another fluffly lemon soon, so if you have any suggestions please let me know! I can't write one if you don't suggest! You should review now, but only if you want to! (And trust me you REALLY want to!) See you soon!**

**~Kousei **


	13. His Three Special Words

**I'm Not Him**

**Chapter 13:His Three Special Words**

***Kaoru's P.O.V.* **

**Sorry for the long update time been really busy. But I would never give up on this fanfic! Soo Ichigo Kousei is back! Tell your friends! :D Anyway let's get back to the story!**

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my loosely clenched fist. Once I was sure Mori was standing in front of me I answered back.

"What do you want?" I whispered faintly, and calmly. I was in no condition to put up a fight.

Mori chuckled darkly, making me shudder involuntarily. He crossed his muscular arms across his broad chest and sighed as if I should know the answer to my own question. "You."

The dark haired teen approached my cot and began to stroke my blonde hair affectionately, he then bent down and caught my lips in a gentle kiss while he reached around and kneaded my backside with his free hand. I writhed about with the strongest movements I could muster, using all of my remaining energy, which wasn't much. Mori then released my lips, allowing me to catch my breath. I panted for a while, I hadn't had much breath to begin with and the painful knot in my empty stomach made me feel as if my frail body could give out at any moment. "Please… Mori I need water… my head." I begged pathetically. I had abandoned the pride and dignity I once possessed long ago, I had to do whatever I could to survive. I had to do whatever I could to get back to Hikaru.

"Fine, I will feed you and let you have a shower…" My tormentor said this as if he was doing me some kind of selfless act of kindness by keeping me alive, I wanted to scowl at him but I decided against it, I didn't want him to change his mind. "But…" He continued.

"But what!" I exclaimed in frustration.

"Do you expect me to give you something for nothing?" He questioned coldly. "You're a big boy, you know the world doesn't work that way."

I looked away dejectedly, what more could he possibly want from me? "I have nothing left to give you, you have already taken everything away from me. You have taken away my ability to be able to trust anyone ever again, you have taken away my strength and happiness not to mention my health. But I could live without all of those things as long as Hikaru is by my side, but you have even taken the love of my life away. So I ask, what could I give you that you don't already own?"

Mori grabbed a hold of my chin and turned my head, his dark, emotionless eyes locked onto my amber, saddened ones. "I want your love, not just the sex. I want you to fall in love with me."

"Excuse me?" I thought maybe I had heard wrong, it wasn't impossible as I have been having hallucinations ever since the past day.

"You heard me! I am not going to repeat myself!" Mori snapped furiously, he raised his hand, as if he was going to strike me.

"Wait!" I raised my hands up to defensively shield my already battered existences. "…I can't love you, I'm in love with Hikaru…"

Mori drew his fist away and began to walk towards the door. "Fine, looks like you don't want to eat, don't forget I can make it so you never see your precious big brother ever again, I could just kill you off right here and now if that's what you want. Is that what you want, Kaoru? Because I can damn sure make it happen!"

"No!… I'll do it." I couldn't believe I was going to give in to him, but I knew if I just fought a little while longer I'd be able to see Hikaru again.

"Good boy." Mori grabbed one of my arms tightly and roughly yanked me to my feet. I had yelped in agony from the force he used to stand me up, I was sure I felt something pop in my right shoulder. The dark-haired teen then pulled a key from his pocket with his free hand and unbolted the door. It swung open with a loud creak and a frigid blast of air swept in and surrounded me, it's been so cold lately, I wonder when Hikaru will come save me and wrap his arms around me to warm me up.

Beyond the door was a long, gray hallway. Steel doors lined each side as far as I could see, Mori lead me through the colorless hall until we came about seven doors down on the left side. He took out the same key he had used to unlock my prison cell to unlock this door as well, the key must be universal. Mori unbolted the door and shoved me inside before stepping in behind me and sealing the door once again. There was a small wooden table in this cell, as well as a fridge, and a few cabinets. My raven haired captor brought a bottle of water out of the fridge and strode over to a cabinet that was mounted on the wall and pulled out a small packet of saltine crackers. It may not of been much but it looked like a five star feast to me, maybe even better. Mori held out the food items and my amber eyes sparkled in anticipation, but he failed to hand the items to me.

"Mori?" I questioned in confusion.

"Say it and mean it."

"Eto… um I don't understand… what-"

"Give me what I want and I'll give you what you want! Fucking say it!" Mori was losing his patience, I knew what he wanted me to say but I had acted ignorant in an act of defiance, but I wanted to eat so I shamefully submitted to him.

"I…I l-love… you." I stammered, it was so hard for me to say, these are special words that only Hikaru has ever heard me utter softly in his ear.

"What was that? Speak up! It's fine if you don't want to eat…"

"No! I love you, Takashi!" I shouted loud and clear. Mori only smirked and nodded before he handed me my prize, only then did I feel guilty for what I had done. I had just given away Hika's special words for a small pouch of salted crackers and a bottle of water. Even though these things were going to keep me alive it still felt wrong to me. I soon shook the thoughts of guilt from my consciences and wolfed down the dry crackers. I couldn't believe I was able to swallow that many of the dry wafers at one time, I then washed them down with the liter bottle of water, which I had completely downed in one gulp. I had finished everything in 45 seconds flat.

"Hungry, aren't we?" Mori teased evilly.

I was still left with an enormous amount of space in the pit of my stomach, but I knew better not to ask for anything more. I didn't want to risk angering my unstable Senpai once again.

"Let's go." And with that statement Mori led me out of the room and back into the frigid, endless hallway of doors. He led me about 10 doors down on the right side and he unbolted another door. Beyond the steel portal was a shower, a sink and a toilet. On the white, marble sink counter was a folded gray t-shirt and black sweat pants as well. My tormentor stepped into the room and turned the water in the shower on.

"Get in." Before I could protest Mori began to strip me swiftly and next thing I knew I was forced into the steel shower. Ice cold beads of water pelted my face and body, I screeched when the freezing water made first contact with my skin. My shivering hands slowly reached out for the shower door handle, I pushed but the door wouldn't budge. Mori had locked me in! I tried to huddle in a corner of the shower but I was still drenched by the artic water. I began to feel numb, physically and emotionally. I didn't even feel like crying anymore, I just sat there and let it happen. I then heard Mori's voice laced with amusement over the sound of water beating against the shower floor.

"Enjoying your self, Kaoru?" Mori questioned. "Thank me for being such a kind caretaker, and I'll let you out." He added in an playful yet monotone voice.

I was in an state of outrage, I couldn't believe Mori thought this shit was funny. By the tone of his voice he thought it was freaking hilarious! "Go to fucking hell, you bastard! You wait 'til Hikaru comes for me! He'll show you god damn funny!" I bellowed loud enough to be heard over the continuous sound of pounding water. Quickly I covered my mouth with trembling hands. what the hell had I just done?

As quickly as I had said it the shower door had flew open, and Mori had grabbed me by the arm and yanked me to my unstable feet before throwing me out the shower. He had an insane glare, the glare of a madman. My tormentor wrapped his huge, muscular hands around my neck and squeezed with all his strength. Mori was crushing my windpipe! I clawed at his hands doing all I could to pry them off my neck. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror above the sink, what I sight I beheld. My naked body was dangling by my neck from Mori's grasp. He smiled sadistically at me. I think he was getting off on this.

"Mori-Senpai." I stopped and coughed. "P-please your… I can't breathe!" I begged, tears overflowed from my eyes and hit Mori's forearms. He finally released me and I fell violently to the floor, hitting my head on the remorselessly hard, cold tile.

Everything around me went silent… my vision went pure white and I slowly shut my eye's to the harsh, cruel, unfair world. Leaving a dark vision of Takashi Morinozuka behind.

'_Hikaru, brother… I'm waiting for you. Please come save me.'_

… **:'(… Sorry it's kinda short after I made you guys wait so long. I'll be back soon…**

**~Kousei **


	14. Vaguely Familiar

**I'm Not Him**

**Chapter 14: Vaguely Familiar**

***Hikaru's P.O.V.***

…_.Beep!…Beep!…Beep!…Be-_

My digital alarm clock shattered the silence of the bedroom Kaoru and I once shared. I shifted a bit before I abruptly switched off the annoying tone by pressing the button located on the top of the machine. Even though I had my alarm clock set it was not needed as I had already been awake, to be exact I had been up for about six hours. Ever since Kaoru had disappeared I hadn't been sleeping well, or more like not at all. In this passed week I probably only obtained about eleven hours of sleep. Kao was like a security blanket, but so much better. A blanket could never rub your back after a tense day at school. A blanket could never gently nuzzle it's nose into your neck and make the cutest little whimpers of satisfaction while intimately cuddling with you. Nor could a blanket whisper 'I love Nii-Chan , my one and only big brother.' softly into your ear.

I had taken all of things Kao and I shared together for granted, so now that he was gone I realized how much I actually loved my baby brother. I mean I always knew I loved Kaoru more than anything, or anybody else in the whole entire world, but I never knew life without him would be so depressing and dark.

I was angry. Angry at everything yet nothing in particular. I hated sunshine, happiness, love, and anything else that reminded me of Kao. I hadn't been attending school for the pass week either. I just simply couldn't bare to sit alone at the two person desk Kao and I used to share. I missed the little love notes he would pass to me in chemistry class, and I missed how we would pick over each others lunch's in the cafeteria.

I had lost all hope of ever seeing my baby brother alive again. Kyouya had informed me that the first twenty-four hours are the most crucial when finding missing persons, and once I even overheard the head of the Ootori police force say that Kaoru was mostly likely dead or would never be found as they had not a lead. He seemed to have just vanished into thin air.

The Host Club had disintegrated completely, we were all a mess. Hunny was nearly not as bright and jovial, and Mori seemed distant and lost. Whenever the sweet blonde Lolita teen wrapped his teeny arms around his dearest Takashi's waist or intertwined his own fingers with his, Mori would coldly brush him away, leaving Hunny alone and confused. Hunny was always crying, and it was so strange to see Mori fail to come to the distressed boy's aid. He would just walk out of the 3rd music room leaving Hunny to be taken care of by the other members of the host club, and whenever we tried to comfort him he only wailed louder and kicked and screamed. He once even threw Usa-chan across the room, crashing straight into a tray full of expensive porcelain tea cups, shattering them all upon impact.

Kyouya would often have frantic fits of rage, we were losing money and he was stressed over the disappearance of Kaoru. They were all completely at random, and you never knew when the Shadow King would snap at you, so we all just avoided him. Haruhi became severely depressed, one by one she watched each of her most dearest friends self destruct. Finally she couldn't take anymore and walked away from the Host Club. She also unrolled from Ouran Academy all together. Tamaki had soon disbanded the Host Club soon after Haruhi's departure, he claims it was the hardest decision he ever had to make. I knew how much he loved all of us, I knew we were the only thing he had. He wasn't prepared to lose something so dear to his overly dramatic heart. His own little makeshift family was unfairly ripped away from him.

I rolled onto my side, pulling a sheet from over my head and gazed at a photograph sitting on my mahogany bedside table. A blue sky and shimmering aquamarine sea highlighted the background, but the main focus of the picture was Kaoru and I clutching onto each other on the pure white sand in our matching bathing suits that we had helped our grandmother design ourselves. It was a photograph taken of us about three years ago during summer vacation. I reached out and slowly turned the picture face down, hiding the distant memory.

'_I miss you Kao.'_

***Hunny's P.O.V***

"Young master Haninozuka, please do brighten up." A maid softly suggested as she stood outside my door. "How about something sweet? I'd bet you'd like that! I can bake whatever you'd like, so what will it be?"

I sighed miserably before answering the awaiting servant. "I don't want to be a bother, you don't have to do anything for me." I answered flatly.

"Really! It's no trouble at all! Why don't you come out of your room for a while? I miss my young master's bright smiling face." She answered, determined to pull me out from my lonely, depressed state.

"You should really come out master Haninozuka! Please! For me." She banged what I assumed to be her fist against the door in irritated determination, that irked me. How dare a servant tell me what to do?

"Get the hell away from my door! You aren't to tell me what the fuck I should and shouldn't do!" I screeched before I hurled a violet glass vase at the door. The impact sent sparkling shards of the glass flying in every direction, cutting the air. Before I had time to register what was going on a shard slashed my cheek, I yelped as crimson liquid drained from the wound.

"Young master! Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"Get the fuck away!" I shouted once again.

"I don't know what has gotten into you! I'm going to ring up you cousin. Maybe he will be able to calm you down!" With that I heard her walk away from my door until her clattering footsteps could no longer be heard.

I didn't argue with the idea of her calling Takashi over. I knew he wouldn't be able to help me. He would just tell me to 'Stop behaving in a disgraceful manner, Mitsukuni.' and leave me all alone again. Even though I knew exactly how everything was going to play out, I still felt oddly hopeful. I found myself wishing that Takashi would wrap his arms around me and run his fingers through my blonde hair, while wiping the tears away from my chocolate eyes with the pads of his thumbs, before kissing me gently on the forehead like he used to when no one was around. Everyone knows Mori. Mori is cold and distant and quiet. But only I know Takashi. Takashi is sweet and loyal, and always worried and concerned for me. Takashi would never hurt Kao-Chan or anyone else for that matter! I don't like Mori, I hate him! I want Takashi! My Takashi! The Takashi that loves me!

'_I miss you Takashi.'_

***Kaoru's P.O.V***

I peeled my eyes open to the sight of a vaguely familiar place.

'_Where am I?' _I thought to myself as I stared up blankly at the off-white ceiling. I shifted a bit, and a shrill outcry burst out of my dry, cracked lips. Everywhere hurt, especially my neck. I slowly and shakily brought my hand to my neck to survey the damage, but quickly drew my hand away upon contact from the pain. My neck was severely bruised.

'_What happened to me?" _I slowly sat up, sending agonizing waves of pain crashing throughout my frail frame. I realized I was lying on a concrete floor.

'_What was I doing on the floor?' _

I was alone and scared, I drew my knees to my chest, resting my forehead on my knee caps. A tear slid down my cheek, I felt like I was missing someone important…but…but, I just couldn't remember who.

'_Buzz…Buzz…Buzz' _

I flinched at the sound, and my eyes darted around the room to find the source. It was a cell phone vibrating on the floor within arms length of me. I was certain it wasn't mine, maybe it was left behind by someone. I grabbed the mobile device, and flipped it open before pressing the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"_Oh! Thank goodness you answered, Mr. Morinozuka! It's Young Master Haninozuka! I don't know what to do! I was hoping you could…"_

"Umm… I'm not really sure who is…" I interrupted. "but I can tell him you called.. If I uhh… see him." I replied.

"_Oh my apologies sir, I must have contacted you by mishap. Have a good day! Sorry for the mix up!"_

The line went dead.

Just as I was about to put the phone down, it began to vibrate again.

"Um… Hello?"

"_Mori-Senpai? It's Hikaru. Do you think you coul-"_

"Hikaru..?" The name sounded so familiar, as the voice, but I couldn't exactly place it.

"_Kaoru… KAORU! IS THAT YOU?" _The vaguely familiar voice sounded in my ear.

"Kaoru… That's me isn't it? Yes! Yes! This is Kaoru! I am Kaoru!" I answered, overjoyed that I had remembered something.

"_KAORU! WHERE ARE YOU!" _The voice asked in a panic laced voice.

"Who are you? How do you know me?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"_What do you mean! I'm your br-…" PING! _

I looked at the screen of the phone. A blinking red battery symbol decorated the LCD screen before shutting down completely.

_Hikaru?… Soo familiar…_

Hey! Ichigo Kousei here! **OH MY GOD! I AM SO SORRY! I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD FOR NOT UPDATING MY FANFICS IN A TIMELY MANNER! YOU PROBABLLY FORGOT ALL ABOUT ME, DIDN'T YOU! Anyway I'm back again, and I'm really trying my hardest to update but I am always so busy! Anyway please leave me a review if you don't mind. :3 See you soon!**

~**Kousei **


	15. It's Not Him

**Hey everyone! Ichigo Kousei here! Once again I apologize for the long waiting period between updates. (-_-') I bet you guys are getting tired of hearing that, but I really am trying my best! Okay, enough chit chat here's the newest installment of I'm Not Him. :) **

**I'm Not Him **

**Chapter 15: It's Not Him**

***Hikaru's P.O.V***

"I'm your brother Kaoru! Kaoru Please!" I screeched into my cell phone desperately, my voice was shrill, hoarse and laced with hopeful panic. I knew at that moment I would see my brother again, I would be able to hold him in my arms. I would never, ever let him go again. "Kaoru, god Kaoru…" I began to break down, tears slid out of my tightly closed eyes, cooling my flushed crimson cheeks. " I love you Kao!" I couldn't hold back, I had been holding those precious words for weeks now. I needed to hear Kaoru say he loved me back. "I love you so much! Y-you have no idea how much I do!" I pressed my phone into my ear vigorously, pressing it harder and harder with each word I spoke ignoring the pain though I knew a bruise would appear there later. I waited for Kaoru's soft voice to whisper 'I love you too, Hika', I clenched the phone with stark white knuckles my eyes shut tight in distressed anticipation.

The only answer was the dial tone.

He was gone.

My dear little brother had slipped away from me…again.

I was so close.

But not close enough.

That's when I decided enough was enough. I couldn't just sit back and wallow in self pity! Kaoru is my baby brother! I had to find him, I could tell he was hurt, or in some kind of pain. Me and Kao share this special connection, y'know like his pain was my pain. I had this unnerving feeling in the pit of my stomach. My Kaoru senses were tingling, if you will.

I can't recall a time where I had acted so fast in my brief existence. In two minutes flat I had dialed for the operator and had the call traced. My ink pen danced across a sheet of notebook paper with renewed drive, hastily jotting down the address. I had never been in that part of Japan before, but I heard many unsettling rumors about it. It was a rough part of the country that high schools boys, especially ones as vulnerable as Kaoru, didn't belong in. I knew I needed to act swiftly if I wanted to get my little brother home in one piece.

I knew I couldn't rush blindly into this rescue either, I needed more information. I thought back to a few months ago, when Hunny-Senpai had called me distraught in the wee hours of the morning. He had told me that Mori had been sexually abusing my little brother. Of course when I question my raven-haired Senpai about this he hurriedly denied it. I had no choice but to believe Hunny now, it was my only lead after all. With shaky fingers picked up my cell phone, and went into my contacts and selected Hunny's number.

"_Hello?" _Hunny's usually high-pitched, delighted voice was subdued and rather poignant.

"Hi Senpai. Are you feeling all right?" I asked concerned for his well being, it wasn't like honey at all to sound so heartrending.

"_Well, everything is just strawberries and cream!" _He answered rudely, his voice intertwined with a smidgen of sarcasm.

I was about to call the older boy out on his discourteous behavior, but I had a job to do. Hunny's mood was the least of my problems. "Senpai, do you mind telling everything you know about what Mori-Senpai did to my baby brother? I ne-"

"_I can't!" _He screamed defensively, cutting me off abruptly mid way through my sentence. _"If I tell you you'll get Takashi sent away, he told me so!"_

"Hunny, please! Kao is hurting! Don't be selfish!" I tried reasoning with Hunny, he was like a stubborn child who always needed to get their way.

"_Me being selfish? Look in a mirror! Your selfish!" _Hunny was completely beside himself, wailing in rage.

"How am I being selfish? I just want Kao back home, safe with his friends and family." My voiced quieted to a barely perceptible undertone. "I don't want to be alone Senpai."

"_Oh, so you think that I do! What the fuck is your problem?"_ Hunny growled in frustration. _"You think I want to be like you? Your miserable Hika-Chan! I love Takashi, just like you love Kao-Chan! I don't want to lose Takashi! He is the only thing I have!" _

"I-I…" I couldn't say anything, how could I? I neglected Hunny's feelings entirely. I had been ready to do whatever I had to do to get my Kao back that I was willing to hurt anyone in the process, I was willing to hurt close friends.

"_I've been going through hell to keep Takashi safe! I get beaten every night because of my selfishness! I- I"_

"Mori-Senpai has been hitting you?" I objected, outraged by this whole situation. "And yet you still defend him?"

"_Takashi isn't the one hurting me! It can't be him! Takashi loves me!" _Hunny sniffled before continuing. _"The first time he did it was right after he raped Kao-Chan for the first time... I wanted to fight...but-but how could I hurt the one I love? How could I hurt Takashi? When I looked into his eyes they were dark and empty. I started to cry and Takashi came back, Takashi held me in his arms and whispered he was sorry and that he loved me. I never doubted it for a second either."_

"Hunny… I"

"_Ever since we were small Takashi has been like this... I remember when we were little his eyes would get like that sometimes and he'd do something naughty. They were… they were small things at first… like he'd stomp on a caterpillar, or steal candy from Chika-Chan, and when he got really bad he'd hit me. I n-never thought to tell anyone about Takashi, I never imagined it would ever get this horrible. I was afraid he'd get in trouble and we wouldn't be able to play together anymore."_ Hunny had stopped crying and he only hiccupped now and then, I continued to be unvoiced as I listened attentively, I was nothing short of perplexed and disturbed. _"I knew when Takashi did bad things that he didn't mean them. He couldn't help it, and more often then not he would forget about his outbursts of fume right after they had happened."_

"Hunny-Senpai, why didn't you tell us any of this?" I didn't yell anymore as I wasn't angry anymore. I completely understood Hunny's logic. He was protecting the one that he loved, I'm sure I would have done the same thing if I was in Hunny's shoes.

"_I was scared, I just couldn't. You understand, don't you Hikaru? I don't want you to hate me!" _I could here the pleading tone in Hunny's voice. I couldn't put him through anymore unnecessary hurt, be it physical or mental.

"Yeah. I understand Senpai. I could never hate you."

"_I'm so relieved. Hey, Hikaru listen to this. When I was about seven Takashi and I were playing in the sandbox at my favorite park, we were having a lot of fun before his eyes got dark. Then he stole Usa-Chan, and tore his arm clean off. I tried to stop him but he held Usa-Chan over my head and I was shorter than him. That was the first time Takashi hurt me when he wasn't himself. I fell down and began to cry, and right away Takashi came back and realized what he had done. I told him I hated him and I was going to tell my mommy, but just as I was about to run away he grabbed my hand and pulled me to his chest. I felt so safe, and instantly I stopped crying. He told me he was so sorry and he asked me if I knew he would never hurt me. Of course I knew it! So he asked me from that day on whenever he got like that to know it's not him, it's something else controlling him. Something he can't help. I hated to see him suffer because of his problem, it's not fair! Takashi was and still is a good person! I know it because he loves me and I've seen it! Takashi always holds back his emotions, that's why he is always so quiet. He knows if he gets too emotionally involved in everyday life he can lose control more frequently and more violently. It kills me to see him hold back everyday. I just want Takashi to be happy… I just want Takashi to be able to speak his mind freely and feel without being afraid he'll hurt someone. I just want to be happy with the one I love."_

I took a breath before I replied. "Hunny, Mori-Senpai is very sick, he needs medical attention. You need to tell me where he took my brother. Kaoru is sick too, the sickness controlling Mori has been hurting him so please…"

"_We have to save Takashi too! H-he won't get taken away from me will he? Cause it's not his fault! He can't help it!" _Hunny questioned still wary of the situation and my motives. _"Takashi is very confused right now, he needs me, don't let them take him away!"_

"I'll make sure he won't be put under arrest, we are going to get him help." I assured the boy. I didn't want to press charges, but in all honesty it was up to Kaoru once we found him.

"_I'll take you to where Kaoru is. We are going to get Kao-Chan and Takashi bring them back home." _

_"Where the people who love them are waiting."_

**I have lots of free time as I am on spring break right now, so my goal is to finish this up and post all the chapters by next week. So, wait for me until then. :3 See you soon!**

**~Kousei**


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